Drink because I'm sad, sad because I drink, blah blah, ramble ramble

Yeah I'm kinda throwing the bear persona away after posting this but... I noticed this pattern somewhat recently... I know any sort of substance is obviously gonna lead to detrimental effects long term no matter what, despite being medication, alcohol, drugs. (if you can't control it that is, to which I can't) I used to find so much enjoyment when I would drink, but when I stop for a few days, scratch that, when I stop for a single day, I lose complete interest in everything I find enjoyment in... I used to be able to play videogames, listen to music, or even talk to my mom and find an inkling of enjoyment out of it... But now? If I'm not tipsy then I find no happy value from anything... I noticed the enjoyment degrading a few months ago... But now it's at 0% unless I've had a bit of alcohol.. I always hated my parents deep down for living that sort of lifestyle as well while I was growing up, yet I've also succumbed to it myself... Is that just an ancestral trait? Being drunken buffoons? Still, if they've went through the same sort of metamorphosis I feel more pity than anger towards them now... Ugh, I dunno.. I just feel so empty, and typing this crap out gives me a semblance of... Idk... Endorphins? Whatever, I'll come back tomorrow drunk out of my ass and post about my happy happy life.