I Came Back Here For A Reason

I I left this place because honestly my life was in an amazing place- I was seriously so happy with my world and everything in it- work was going good- life was falling into place- and I met an amazing man and decided that he deserved my undivided attention- I felt a love for him that I didn't think I was capable of feeling- I had an experience early on that ruined love for me- I had the first person I ever fell in love with die suddenly and I think that having that experience made it very difficult to let anybody in- people tried through the years and I wished that I could feel that for them but never really could- everybody was kept at a "safe" distance because I instinctively protected my heart- I felt for this man things I felt I simply wasn't capable of- we were so similar it was crazy- we had similar experiences and we had so many deep things in common it had this magical meant to be cosmic quality to it- not to mention the connection and chemistry was instant- I actually began to believe that this was the man I'd been waiting my entire life to meet- the man I could truly open up and be vulnerable to- share my life with- and experience that once in a lifetime kind of love with- I wish this story had a happily ever after kind of ending but sadly I don't think I was ever meant to have that- shortly after we met and I felt all of this for him everything in my life started falling apart- it was one thing after another- I became completely overwhelmed and could hardly hold it together- I felt hurt in a way I hadn't experienced in years and the more I tried to manage it all the worse it got- I wasn't able to be present for this man that I loved or be present in this newly forming relationship- I tried to explain what was happening but I felt him giving up on me- to be honest that made it even worse for me- I watched as he moved on- I kept trying to talk to him but it never really felt the same- I never really was able to get back to the love that we had in the beginning and it hurt me to talk to him and to feel like he was holding me out at that "safe" distance- anyway at this point I need a space where it's safe to vent and where there's supportive people to talk to- this has been that place for me before and I hope it will be again- thank you all for your compassion and friendship ❤️