Sounds like you're anxious about the possibilities of things going a certain way, a way that you wouldn't like. I think that's natural to an extent. The fact is, we do live and learn. You may become very different in twenty years, from how you might imagine you will be, and that's not necessarily a bad thing either. There are uncertainties in life, but it's the small things in it, that might not seem like much, that I take greatest pleasure from. Sorry to go on!