I Am Struggling With So Many Things Right Now

You see me as an independent woman who works at a MNC in a big city, too bossy and introverted. That's what you see. Inside, there are lots of struggles I'm going through everyday. I'm a victim of abusive parenting, fat shaming and abusive relationship. I'll just smile when you say I look like a pumpkin. But you'll never know that I always look at the calories content in the food I buy, worry about the exercises I skipped due to a meeting and cry myself to sleep. You say that I'm being too harsh on my father for not calling him. But you'll never know about the scars on my heart he made when he beat me up 20 years ago. You say that I'm not catching up with my college friends, but you'll never know that they called me a whore just because my ex said so. Yes, I don't like to hang out with you because I don't want to hurt myself again.