I Shut Down When Life Becomes Overwhelming

Doing It To Myself....letting Myself Feel Overwhelmed By Things That Are Nonexistent In My Life... I've always done it.
But I want to keep the shutting down this time.
I keep leading myself into this dark hole. I get hope that people are awesome, that I can make friends on here. That I can do better in life. But then I just get slapped in the face
I let myself get these stupid thoughts that things are going to happen when in fact they won't. I let myself build up happy thoughts. Things that in fact do not exist never did exist and then I feel hurt.
I let myself build up a ton of stuff in my head.
Then I get hurt.
Overwhelmed.
But I only shut down for like thirty minutes.
I need to try my damn best to keep it gone. No more. Just no more leading myself into these fact thoughts.
No more believing I will ever be someones number one two three or four. And I need to stop believing that I'm close friends with people.
People keep showing their true colors. Or I'm crazy
Honestly with this rant......probably the second one.