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I Value My Solitude

“No one ever needs to be alone so long as they don’t mind who they are with, but we do mind...the wrong kind of company is a great deal lonelier than us being by ourselves...it’s not that we have been rejected by the world, it’s that we’ve taken a good look at the available options, and have, with wisdom, done some rejecting ourselves.” ~ Alain De Botton
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vR5prDWTc5U]

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SmartKat · 56-60, F

💯

I’m introverted anyway, and I need some regular times of peace and quiet without other people. I don’t like living alone all the time and never seeing anybody, though. I start to feel sort of weird if I’m all alone too long - like in those science fiction stories about being the last person left on earth.

I live with Mr. Kat, and that suits me pretty well. We never were one of those couples that have to follow each other everywhere - we have some separate activities and interests. And for now, neither of us is retired, so we’d be away from each other for the workday, anyway. But living together works, because we’re very compatible: we have similar tastes in entertainment, similar living habits, and apparently a similar amount of need to be together. We can be perfectly happy hanging out in the living room together, but doing separate things.

I don’t know if there are many other people on earth I could have this with. Maybe my brother or my best female friend.

Carissimi · F

Kat, I’m so happy to know you are still with Mr. Kat, and have made it work in your own way. As for me, I remained alone, not even had one date in all the years since. I had to leave that other “support” site we migrated to because those who found happiness in new relationships seemed to get a bit arrogant, blaming any other’s aloneness as their own fault because it was a choice. Well, sometimes it’s not a choice. Sometimes it’s just how life turns out. It’s one thing to suffer years/decades of misery in a relationship, and another to find criticism from a supposedly support group. Anyway, I’ve had that on my chest for years, and now I’ve said it. I wish you love and happiness for many years to come. 🤗@SmartKat

SmartKat · 56-60, F

@Carissimi Ah, yes, that other “support” site. It brought me both good things and bad things. In retrospect, I’m glad I went to it - it was a big learning experience and I think I’m a wiser person because of it. But if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I would do some things differently. (And of course, then the experience would turn out different. Sort of like “Back To the Future.”)

Mr. Kat and I actually separated for a while, but we got back together, and now we’ve been back together almost three years. We’ve known each other 20 years this month.

Carissimi · F

20-years is a lot of yourself to invest in a relationship. I know the standard “support” advice is to walk away and find a new love, but sometimes it doesn’t happen, and some are better holding on to what they have rather than grow old alone. It really depends on each individual. You and Mr. Kat have worked it in your own way, and that’s all anyone can do. Congratulations on your 20th Anniversary. 💜@SmartKat