The Death of a Monster
I had thought there would be more relief, more closure by now.
For most of my life, I dreamed of it, hoped for it... hell, I was even willing to be the cause of it. Anything to finally be rid of you and all the suffering you've caused everyone who ever knew you.
Yet here I am, two years later, marking the anniversary of your death and I am no freer from you than I was as a child under your roof.
I still feel the scars upon my skin and deeper upon my soul. I try to control and hide it, but I am still so full of hate and anger, and it never goes away. It eats at me and consumes me.
I am living with your ghost in so many ways. I look in the mirror, and i see your ugly, hateful face staring back. I hear your voice just beneath the surface, every time I speak.
I don't like this side of me, and i hate showing it to anyone. But I need to release it, to put these feelings and words out there.
It isn't fair, and it isn't right. You are rotting away in the ground somewhere, and I am still here, carrying all the baggage and burdens you put on me. Even if there is a hell, and even if it is far more horrible than any human has ever imagined, it still isn't enough for you. Your soul could not possibly suffer enough to pay for the lives you have destroyed and broken.
I thought I could forgive and move on. I thought I could put you behind me once you were gone, and just live my life the best I could. But you won't even grant me this peace.
So many people use the word "hate" to describe dislike. Most will truly never know the difference. But you taught me, didn't you? And now I say it with the full knowledge of what it means... I hate you with every fiber of my being.
-T
For most of my life, I dreamed of it, hoped for it... hell, I was even willing to be the cause of it. Anything to finally be rid of you and all the suffering you've caused everyone who ever knew you.
Yet here I am, two years later, marking the anniversary of your death and I am no freer from you than I was as a child under your roof.
I still feel the scars upon my skin and deeper upon my soul. I try to control and hide it, but I am still so full of hate and anger, and it never goes away. It eats at me and consumes me.
I am living with your ghost in so many ways. I look in the mirror, and i see your ugly, hateful face staring back. I hear your voice just beneath the surface, every time I speak.
I don't like this side of me, and i hate showing it to anyone. But I need to release it, to put these feelings and words out there.
It isn't fair, and it isn't right. You are rotting away in the ground somewhere, and I am still here, carrying all the baggage and burdens you put on me. Even if there is a hell, and even if it is far more horrible than any human has ever imagined, it still isn't enough for you. Your soul could not possibly suffer enough to pay for the lives you have destroyed and broken.
I thought I could forgive and move on. I thought I could put you behind me once you were gone, and just live my life the best I could. But you won't even grant me this peace.
So many people use the word "hate" to describe dislike. Most will truly never know the difference. But you taught me, didn't you? And now I say it with the full knowledge of what it means... I hate you with every fiber of my being.
-T
