I Will Write A Letter I Will Not Send

We share the same dwelling, take most of our meals together, and even lay in the same bed on your nights off. Sometimes we talk about you job, the weather, politics and news stories, or plan things to do on your days off. Usually, we can go days without ever saying a word to each other, with me sitting in the living room, and you sitting in the bedroom.

Normally, it's quiet and friendly enough, like two civil strangers occupying the same space peacefully. Then there are the times when all you do is criticize and make snide little "jokes" at my expense while pretending you are only playing.

Sometimes, when I look at you I can almost see her. That girl I fell in love with all those years ago. The one whose laughter and smiles used to light up my entire universe, and made me feel I was the most important person on the planet. Sometimes, I catch the smallest glimmer of the most beautiful and greatest friend I have ever known, just behind those eyes that once sparkled with life and passion. But, I am learning to accept that she is gone now, and that I am alone even when I'm not.

It's funny how you can spend so much time in the presence of someone, and still miss them like they were a million miles away. I know that we have our son to focus on, that he needs us both, and that is all that binds us now.

But I miss you, and I can't stop wondering if there is still some way to bring you back. I miss the intimacy and companionship. I miss being able to speak openly and freely about any and everything. The playfulness and feeling of being loved. I miss my friend.