I Have A Friend That Died
I called 911 at 6:56pm this past Friday. It was when my life changed forever.
We were delivering food as is the trend around here. You can get anything and everything delivered these days. We did it to make extra money. We were a team. I drove and went into the restaurant and she delivered it. I delivered when there were no stairs to climb. We are both disabled but I did what I could when it came to stairs.
Last call. We pulled up to the house. She cursed the stairs that loomed. We didn’t know it at the time but the end was near, her end.
As she walked back to the car where I was waiting she said Jay help me. I got out of the car and went to her. I didn’t know the distress she was in. When I got to her she told me she wasn’t feeling well and that she was dizzy. I never in 19 years saw her as I did then. I took hold of her, she took hold of me. She almost collapsed before she got to the car. She held onto the car until I could open the car door. I helped her in.
She took rapid, very shallow breaths. I called 911. When she realized what I was doing she said “no, no” as hospitals and doctors nearly killed her 25 years ago. She didn’t die then. But she saw the white light.
She was the one person who God sent that brought me to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. She was my wife and for the last few years my ex though we continued living together.
As I spoke to the 911 operator she told me to take her home that she did not want to wait for help. She was not getting any better. The operator kept telling me yelp was on the way and I told her that and finally she said she’d wait and as I she said that I saw the lights of the fire engine. It pulled in behind me. The ambulance followed shortly.
As one paramedic took the information the others administered to her. It’s when the spasms or begin to seize they grabbed her and pulled her out of the car. I watched the horrible scene in front of me. She seemed like she was fighting them, grabbing for me or maybe just flailing her arm. The last I saw of her was when she was hurriedly taken on a stretcher to the waiting ambulance.
Not from Tennessee being here only a year and having recently moved to a new place a mere 28 dats ago I had no idea where they were taking her. The fireman told me but I didn’t understand so I found him and asked him again. I plotted the course on the GPS.
The hospital person came to get me and brought me to an inner waiting room. I waited as people, as families do. I was numb. I didn’t think of a specific outcome. I was numb, in shock. I knew it’d be dark soon and I don’t drive at night because I still haven’t taken care of my cataracts. I put off everything. I’ve done so my whole life. No way I’d be putting “this” off though. I didn’t know it yet but “this” was furiously approaching me with all the furor of the worst tornado of a lifetime.
The doctor sat in front of me. He told me her heart stopped in the ambulance. They worked to resuscitate her. He told me they were continuing to work on her and give her epinephrine and do they could but it didn’t look good. He said he’d be back and the next time he came back he told me was was gone.
And my world changed forever.
The regrets flood my mind and my heart is drowning. I am in shock. The day started like any other day but it ended so differently. I’m living in a place that she decorated in her usual way. Hopes and plans, lay unfinished. She taught me so much and I still have so many questions about what to do on legal issues and other things. She worked hard to make sure if the unthinkable happened I’d know what to do.
I find myself praying, telling her I’m sorry because I am shouldering a lot of the blame, the guilt, not just for this incident but for many things over my life in general and my life with her. Ultimately it was God who chose the hour and the minute no matter what I was thinking or wanting.
I am left with memories good and bad. And the absolute worst and the memory I will never forget, ever is when I saw her for the last time.
She is gone. And a large, still undetermined amount of me is gone too. Forever.
We were delivering food as is the trend around here. You can get anything and everything delivered these days. We did it to make extra money. We were a team. I drove and went into the restaurant and she delivered it. I delivered when there were no stairs to climb. We are both disabled but I did what I could when it came to stairs.
Last call. We pulled up to the house. She cursed the stairs that loomed. We didn’t know it at the time but the end was near, her end.
As she walked back to the car where I was waiting she said Jay help me. I got out of the car and went to her. I didn’t know the distress she was in. When I got to her she told me she wasn’t feeling well and that she was dizzy. I never in 19 years saw her as I did then. I took hold of her, she took hold of me. She almost collapsed before she got to the car. She held onto the car until I could open the car door. I helped her in.
She took rapid, very shallow breaths. I called 911. When she realized what I was doing she said “no, no” as hospitals and doctors nearly killed her 25 years ago. She didn’t die then. But she saw the white light.
She was the one person who God sent that brought me to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. She was my wife and for the last few years my ex though we continued living together.
As I spoke to the 911 operator she told me to take her home that she did not want to wait for help. She was not getting any better. The operator kept telling me yelp was on the way and I told her that and finally she said she’d wait and as I she said that I saw the lights of the fire engine. It pulled in behind me. The ambulance followed shortly.
As one paramedic took the information the others administered to her. It’s when the spasms or begin to seize they grabbed her and pulled her out of the car. I watched the horrible scene in front of me. She seemed like she was fighting them, grabbing for me or maybe just flailing her arm. The last I saw of her was when she was hurriedly taken on a stretcher to the waiting ambulance.
Not from Tennessee being here only a year and having recently moved to a new place a mere 28 dats ago I had no idea where they were taking her. The fireman told me but I didn’t understand so I found him and asked him again. I plotted the course on the GPS.
The hospital person came to get me and brought me to an inner waiting room. I waited as people, as families do. I was numb. I didn’t think of a specific outcome. I was numb, in shock. I knew it’d be dark soon and I don’t drive at night because I still haven’t taken care of my cataracts. I put off everything. I’ve done so my whole life. No way I’d be putting “this” off though. I didn’t know it yet but “this” was furiously approaching me with all the furor of the worst tornado of a lifetime.
The doctor sat in front of me. He told me her heart stopped in the ambulance. They worked to resuscitate her. He told me they were continuing to work on her and give her epinephrine and do they could but it didn’t look good. He said he’d be back and the next time he came back he told me was was gone.
And my world changed forever.
The regrets flood my mind and my heart is drowning. I am in shock. The day started like any other day but it ended so differently. I’m living in a place that she decorated in her usual way. Hopes and plans, lay unfinished. She taught me so much and I still have so many questions about what to do on legal issues and other things. She worked hard to make sure if the unthinkable happened I’d know what to do.
I find myself praying, telling her I’m sorry because I am shouldering a lot of the blame, the guilt, not just for this incident but for many things over my life in general and my life with her. Ultimately it was God who chose the hour and the minute no matter what I was thinking or wanting.
I am left with memories good and bad. And the absolute worst and the memory I will never forget, ever is when I saw her for the last time.
She is gone. And a large, still undetermined amount of me is gone too. Forever.
