I Have Family Issues

I've been pretty much estranged from my family for around eight years now save ffg or the occasional visit (there were two trips they made to see me within the first two years of moving out), a spattering of likes on social media and the occasional text usually reading something like: I hope you're well, miss you, call me, I miss your voice...
It's a long and complicated relationship filled with abuse...there are also 9 people in my family, who have changed so much over the years i feel i dont even know them anymore. I get it we're all doing our own thing, living our separate lives, and I admit I have distanced myself so that I could develop into the person I wished to be, but hmm sometimes I am nostalgic for our childhood years when all my siblings were pretty close and the occasional laugh and talk I would enjoy on the rare occasion with my mother..
I've thought of reconnecting but dont know if I could handle it. Everyone is so different now and my parents were extremely rude and disapproving of my life choices when i used to talk to them I cant image that they've changed much..they are the type of people who change extremely slowly and are very close minded. I felt like a mother to my younger siblings but stopped talking to them because I realized my parents would listen inbor use them as a way to get to me ): I didn't like not talking to them, but my parents are so abusive to me that I had to cut all ties. I have no idea what lies they've told my younger ssd's siblings about me but I'm sure they're all lies...