I Am Searching For Something

I wish I knew what it was. Do I blame only-child syndrome? Losing my best friend at 24? Settling too early? Not really meeting people in real life as a teenager? I don't want to admit to myself that I'm a horrible person, but it sure feels like I'm destined to hurt anyone I come close to, and either float between impossible relationships or serve a life of mediocrity that doesn't give me what I want. #firstworldproblems