I must be experiencing a period of reflection lately .........
I put this in this group for one: I didn't want to look to hard for a more appropriate group and two: it is true and I found it because I was looking for like minded people.
I wasn't always a very nice person ......
At one point, not that God awful long ago, I was rather evil.
Now in my defense I was put on a medication that caused my personality to change but my anger management counselor said that even tho the medication may have been a contributing factor, those feelings were there before it. But I have and will write about that stuff at a later time.
He was right.
I used to wish people were afraid to screw with me. I would wish that I was tougher. I often felt like I had no control over my life and the things that happened in it. I felt like I was a push over.
But then everything changed and I know had the power to affect these things.
My outlook on life was that issues and confronting situations could be either pummeled into compliance or submission.
That went for everything. There was no level I wouldn't reach to have this happen.
Well, I wanted people to be afraid to screw with me and I got that wish.
This may sound like I am trying to brag but nothing is further from the truth and hopefully by the time you are done reading this you will understand where I am coming from as well as going with this.
There was no length of hell I wouldn't rain down on anyone who attempted to sway or defy me.
I was in total control now and I used that power freely.
My life became even more complicate and full of turmoil than before but I didn't care or , for that matter, even realize what was happening.
My confrontations seemed to have multiplied but I was up for the task.
Everyone slight of law enforcement conceded.
Now I was no longer a push over and initially it felt good.
Much further down the road I did get off that medication and realized that acting and thinking that way was no way to go through life. Instilling fear into others was actually weakness.
Turned out everyone had some level of concern with their involvement with me. People eventually would just distance their selves from me and my pathetic rain of terror.
The only people completely safe from me was my children.
I set them on a mile high solid gold pedestal and made sure the crap that life had a tendency to through out and hit you in the face with never had a chance to hurt them.
Some one called Child Protective Services on us one time for a complaint completely unrelated to me. They actually said we had a bunch of dogs shitting in the house. LOL. Wrong.
The two ladies actually attempted to get aggressive with me because I had already let the one in the house and she came back with another and wanted in again. I still don't know what that was about.
Bad day and place for them.
At the first sign of their attempt to intimidate me into compliance I went to work. I insulted them. I demeaned them. I dared them resist me any more.
They called the cops and told them that I was was being dangerously aggressive and they feared for their safety. I know this because I followed them to their car and continued my verbal assault while they called. The cops showed and de-escalated the situation. While the two ladies were waiting by the cop car I continued to give them the evil eye. Looking back, even tho they were being the aggressors and they were in front of the police, they still looked afraid. I took it as a sign that I had warded off any future attempts to mess with us.
Later my ex-wife would attempt to use this organization to cause grief in my life with my kids to satisfy her vindictive and petty ways.
They had me in their file as combative and would only send another man to my house.
So .... Later when things began to change in my head I realized that those thoughts that manifested because of the medication were still there.
I began to change my outlook and actions.
I did this for my kids.
I simply wanted to be a good example and role model for them. I actually turned my life around 180 degrees.
I want to be someone my kids can trust, respect, love and yes even admire.
This is where I was attempting to take this story even tho it sounded so much different in my head.
As convoluted in appearance as this may seem I do hope someone may take a little something away from this experience.
If nothing else maybe a good laugh.
I wasn't always a very nice person ......
At one point, not that God awful long ago, I was rather evil.
Now in my defense I was put on a medication that caused my personality to change but my anger management counselor said that even tho the medication may have been a contributing factor, those feelings were there before it. But I have and will write about that stuff at a later time.
He was right.
I used to wish people were afraid to screw with me. I would wish that I was tougher. I often felt like I had no control over my life and the things that happened in it. I felt like I was a push over.
But then everything changed and I know had the power to affect these things.
My outlook on life was that issues and confronting situations could be either pummeled into compliance or submission.
That went for everything. There was no level I wouldn't reach to have this happen.
Well, I wanted people to be afraid to screw with me and I got that wish.
This may sound like I am trying to brag but nothing is further from the truth and hopefully by the time you are done reading this you will understand where I am coming from as well as going with this.
There was no length of hell I wouldn't rain down on anyone who attempted to sway or defy me.
I was in total control now and I used that power freely.
My life became even more complicate and full of turmoil than before but I didn't care or , for that matter, even realize what was happening.
My confrontations seemed to have multiplied but I was up for the task.
Everyone slight of law enforcement conceded.
Now I was no longer a push over and initially it felt good.
Much further down the road I did get off that medication and realized that acting and thinking that way was no way to go through life. Instilling fear into others was actually weakness.
Turned out everyone had some level of concern with their involvement with me. People eventually would just distance their selves from me and my pathetic rain of terror.
The only people completely safe from me was my children.
I set them on a mile high solid gold pedestal and made sure the crap that life had a tendency to through out and hit you in the face with never had a chance to hurt them.
Some one called Child Protective Services on us one time for a complaint completely unrelated to me. They actually said we had a bunch of dogs shitting in the house. LOL. Wrong.
The two ladies actually attempted to get aggressive with me because I had already let the one in the house and she came back with another and wanted in again. I still don't know what that was about.
Bad day and place for them.
At the first sign of their attempt to intimidate me into compliance I went to work. I insulted them. I demeaned them. I dared them resist me any more.
They called the cops and told them that I was was being dangerously aggressive and they feared for their safety. I know this because I followed them to their car and continued my verbal assault while they called. The cops showed and de-escalated the situation. While the two ladies were waiting by the cop car I continued to give them the evil eye. Looking back, even tho they were being the aggressors and they were in front of the police, they still looked afraid. I took it as a sign that I had warded off any future attempts to mess with us.
Later my ex-wife would attempt to use this organization to cause grief in my life with my kids to satisfy her vindictive and petty ways.
They had me in their file as combative and would only send another man to my house.
So .... Later when things began to change in my head I realized that those thoughts that manifested because of the medication were still there.
I began to change my outlook and actions.
I did this for my kids.
I simply wanted to be a good example and role model for them. I actually turned my life around 180 degrees.
I want to be someone my kids can trust, respect, love and yes even admire.
This is where I was attempting to take this story even tho it sounded so much different in my head.
As convoluted in appearance as this may seem I do hope someone may take a little something away from this experience.
If nothing else maybe a good laugh.
56-60, M
