I Am Trying to Be a Better Person
Insecure thinking
Richard Carlson once wrote: “Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking”.
Let me elaborate on this, in his book ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff’ he used an example of remembering you had to make an important phone call the next day and then your thinking snowballs you into everything else you have to do that day. It worries you and then you're anxious. As I read I thought of my own example and I’ll share it.
Lets say you just started a relationship, its new, its fun, he or she is great and colors are brighter and the tulips are blooming. He/she texts you and says “To be honest, I just want a night at home tonight”. You respond, “Okay, well have a night in. Enjoy!”. That should be fine. So why do you feel insecure. Then you think he/she doesn't like you anymore. You tell yourself that's crazy and not true but still the thought sits in the back of your mind. The next day, he/she doesn't text you in the morning but he has never text you in the morning. He/she doesn't text that much anyway. That adds to your snowball thoughts and you add to that thought that has sat in your subconscious all night. This is the snowball effect of thinking.
The problem is it is not your significant others fault. They haven't done anything. Its your insecurity that you don't have control over. A fear of not being enough. A fear of being forgotten. If someone is not giving you all of their attention then they don't want you or like you anymore. Insecure thinking can lead to the end of relationships. Your present shouldn't pay for your past and you shouldn't project your insecurities onto your relationships but we all do it anyway.
I have to believe that I am not the only one who does this on a regular basis. So the question is, How do we stop this behavior from effecting our lives? Richard Carlson says to realize what your doing before you’re doing it. From an over thinkers perspective I would say okay, sure but what if I'm already three sheets to the wind in my snowballing thoughts. I've been there y'all. I call it being on the edge of my cliff and ready to jump off. What do you do? You tell yourself that your thoughts and your feelings aren't facts. Talk to your significant other and say “Hey, yo, you didn't text me all day and I thought you didn't like me anymore or you died.” Because that's the obvious answer. They will probably say “Dude, of course I like you, I’m not dead” and you’ll smile and all will be well with the world again but how do you go about fixing this pattern of behavior?
The fix for me, is pretty simple and yet hard all at the same time. Tell yourself the facts. The facts are whatever they are. I know he/she likes me. I know were good. I know x, y, and z. Everything is fine. Then you have to stop the insecurity. You have to build up your confidence by knowing what you bring to the table and being secure in who you are. Also, being secure that your person is who they say they are. Trust is hard. Especially when you've been screwed in the past. That goes back to not punishing your present for your past.
Try it out. See if it helps you. I'm still working on it but us over thinkers have to stick together. Keep calm and keep trying. Good Luck!
Richard Carlson once wrote: “Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking”.
Let me elaborate on this, in his book ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff’ he used an example of remembering you had to make an important phone call the next day and then your thinking snowballs you into everything else you have to do that day. It worries you and then you're anxious. As I read I thought of my own example and I’ll share it.
Lets say you just started a relationship, its new, its fun, he or she is great and colors are brighter and the tulips are blooming. He/she texts you and says “To be honest, I just want a night at home tonight”. You respond, “Okay, well have a night in. Enjoy!”. That should be fine. So why do you feel insecure. Then you think he/she doesn't like you anymore. You tell yourself that's crazy and not true but still the thought sits in the back of your mind. The next day, he/she doesn't text you in the morning but he has never text you in the morning. He/she doesn't text that much anyway. That adds to your snowball thoughts and you add to that thought that has sat in your subconscious all night. This is the snowball effect of thinking.
The problem is it is not your significant others fault. They haven't done anything. Its your insecurity that you don't have control over. A fear of not being enough. A fear of being forgotten. If someone is not giving you all of their attention then they don't want you or like you anymore. Insecure thinking can lead to the end of relationships. Your present shouldn't pay for your past and you shouldn't project your insecurities onto your relationships but we all do it anyway.
I have to believe that I am not the only one who does this on a regular basis. So the question is, How do we stop this behavior from effecting our lives? Richard Carlson says to realize what your doing before you’re doing it. From an over thinkers perspective I would say okay, sure but what if I'm already three sheets to the wind in my snowballing thoughts. I've been there y'all. I call it being on the edge of my cliff and ready to jump off. What do you do? You tell yourself that your thoughts and your feelings aren't facts. Talk to your significant other and say “Hey, yo, you didn't text me all day and I thought you didn't like me anymore or you died.” Because that's the obvious answer. They will probably say “Dude, of course I like you, I’m not dead” and you’ll smile and all will be well with the world again but how do you go about fixing this pattern of behavior?
The fix for me, is pretty simple and yet hard all at the same time. Tell yourself the facts. The facts are whatever they are. I know he/she likes me. I know were good. I know x, y, and z. Everything is fine. Then you have to stop the insecurity. You have to build up your confidence by knowing what you bring to the table and being secure in who you are. Also, being secure that your person is who they say they are. Trust is hard. Especially when you've been screwed in the past. That goes back to not punishing your present for your past.
Try it out. See if it helps you. I'm still working on it but us over thinkers have to stick together. Keep calm and keep trying. Good Luck!
26-30, F
