I Think About Killing Myself

Lately, I think about it everyday. The thought is so calming to me. I know how. If I didn't have to think about my son, I would. But as soon as I figure out that situation, I will probably give it shot. I don't know yet. I'm just tired of everything. The endless pain, the constant stress. I don't see how it is going to get better. I can hope it will, but my experience so far has been that no matter how much hope and work I put toward making it better, it's always the same. So I hold on. One more day. I just go through the motions of life.

The ironic part is, most people who "know" me would consider so well-adjusted and happy.

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xVellx · 36-40, M

That is often the case, hearing all of the people who "knew" a self-killer talking about how their suicide was completely unexpected. Presumably because people who are good at confiding in others and asking for help effectively seldom reach the point where they have to seriously contemplate suicide. Although it's of course more than possible to go through life without ever making a friend who exhibits the necessary combination of good-nature and competence to even qualify as someone worth confiding in in the first place.

Well…aside from all that, I would like to tell you that you probably have plenty of things worth living for that are just being obscured by all of the things you'd like to be rid of. But I don't really know enough about your life to say much about those things, aside from the fact that they likely exist, so I guess the most I can offer as a stranger on the Internet is the standard vague and noncommittal assurance that things will get better somehow.