I Don't Get It, Please Explain

I was annihilated. F***** up! Wounded and disposed by someone who's dead now. I've been switching between sitting in the empty tub (clothed) drowning in tears, messing up my hand in fury at random times, to feeling back to normal in my blase expressions for a f***ing [big][b][i][c=#009E4F]MONTH![/c][/i][/b][/big]

And here she comes around again during a breaking point. All the sudden, none of this matters anymore... 💙