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I Don't Get It, Please Explain

I was annihilated. F***** up! Wounded and disposed by someone who's dead now. I've been switching between sitting in the empty tub (clothed) drowning in tears, messing up my hand in fury at random times, to feeling back to normal in my blase expressions for a f***ing [big][b][i][c=#009E4F]MONTH![/c][/i][/b][/big]

And here she comes around again during a breaking point. All the sudden, none of this matters anymore... 💙
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A mental trap, we often fall in is the idea that things happen for a reason. Ask yourself is this a reasonable request? Then it may not be subject to reason at all.
We want to make sense of our universe, but the truth is often stupid, or even meaningless. It is good for us to experience our emotions fully intensely, and then release them. It is the only way to get him to the Future that you will like. Let go, it's time.