I Am Lying to Myself

I don't know which is worst, pretending to the world or actually deceiving myself. I know why I had to make certain choices in my life. I understand my commitments and promises to have made to my kids but lately I have started to unintentionally retract. These decisions I had to take, were not forced on me by anyone, its circumstances that pushed me up against the wall giving me no choice. All the things I said I didn't need, suddenly I yearn for. It is human to become weak I am hoping these mixed feelings will fade away soon.