I Lack a Sense of Family With My Family

Also to add though they do want a relationship with me and get to invite me to family outings all the time or one on one big often I don't want to do it becuase I feel so uncomfortable around them. How can I love someone but resent them and hate them so much at the same time? I mean yes I am getting help for my online classes and I got help with paying for sewing lessons last year but how can others realize how rejected and invalidated I felt all these years and yet als me why I even hate living here honestly? Is it that hard to comprehend? And I get angry because my family by most people's standards for my age are being strict and overprotective although in some immigrant families it's actually much worse and they are more comparatively more lenient than in other immigrant families. Part of it is because all the personal problems I developed with mental and emotional health depresssion, anxiety, ptsd, sleep problems and I feel like a young girl instead of a young adult woman who has come into my potential.