I Lack a Sense of Family With My Family
I got divorced a couple of years ago. I am not the person who is obsessed of ex neither i have feelings for him. ocassionally when i am in situations or places that i shared with my ex, it reminds me of him. This is not because i love him or i feel secure(financially, or in other ways) in his presence but i got used to him for 15 plus years more than anyone i ever stayed with. I didnt live with my parents or sister for that long, infact 5 to 8 years at the most with constant breaks. I never stayed with them continuously and my dad's verbal, physical abuse, my mom's lack of intervention as she was worried about my dad way more than me or my sister and other stuff made bonding with them hard.infact my mom barely was there in my life for various reasons so in all aspects even me and my ex were treating each other like shit but we both stayed together for 15 years. Now the thing is i dont love both sides( family i was born into, family i was married into). But if i have to pick the best junk out of both i would choose my ex side. Not that i am perfect but as an individual and a human being with preferences, i would pick my ex over my family.
The worst thing about this is, if i try to get closer to my birth family, i feel like i want to get closer to my ex because he is the only one who put up with their stuff along with me.
It's like i dont see both sides as 2 different sides. I see them as one because thats how i got used to for so many years. The moment i feel like i want to get any closer to my parents or sister, my ex is surfacing on top. Its like my family cant come into my life unless my ex comes into my life first.
I can never love my parents or sister more than my ex for this very reason. I feel he is family more than my parents or sister.
Hell, sometimes i feel i love my ex's parents more than my parents.
I would rather stay alone than picking a preference between them as my choice is obvious.
Well, infact i dont have to pick a side its not like a dinner or lunch combo but what bothers me most is even if i want to try as minimal as possible to get close to my parents, i am feeling the urge that my ex should come first in my life more than my parents or sister.
I see all of them as family(ex and parents and sister) and in families we are inclined to some people more than others. In other words just because i am divorced i dont see my ex as not family. He is as much , if not more a family than my parents or sister.
I feel the only way my parents will be back in my life is if my ex is in my life first. This doesnt mean i want him back.i would rather not all of them in my life instead of going through this agony.
Any thoughts ?
The worst thing about this is, if i try to get closer to my birth family, i feel like i want to get closer to my ex because he is the only one who put up with their stuff along with me.
It's like i dont see both sides as 2 different sides. I see them as one because thats how i got used to for so many years. The moment i feel like i want to get any closer to my parents or sister, my ex is surfacing on top. Its like my family cant come into my life unless my ex comes into my life first.
I can never love my parents or sister more than my ex for this very reason. I feel he is family more than my parents or sister.
Hell, sometimes i feel i love my ex's parents more than my parents.
I would rather stay alone than picking a preference between them as my choice is obvious.
Well, infact i dont have to pick a side its not like a dinner or lunch combo but what bothers me most is even if i want to try as minimal as possible to get close to my parents, i am feeling the urge that my ex should come first in my life more than my parents or sister.
I see all of them as family(ex and parents and sister) and in families we are inclined to some people more than others. In other words just because i am divorced i dont see my ex as not family. He is as much , if not more a family than my parents or sister.
I feel the only way my parents will be back in my life is if my ex is in my life first. This doesnt mean i want him back.i would rather not all of them in my life instead of going through this agony.
Any thoughts ?
