I Really Want To Say This

I won't write to him anymore so I will write this here.

It's been a year since I left you in that garage in Houston. You paid my parking and gave me the chocolate chip cookie. You walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye. I had no idea it would be the last time. I was so certain that I would see you in a couple of weeks. We had a great trip planned. You sat there with me on that cool couch in the lobby and we planned it together on my laptop.

I wished I would have taken a picture of us. I wished I could remember what it felt like to be in your arms. I was certain about our future I wished I would have realized what was happening. I wished I would have known it was the end. I would have paid better attention. I thought there would be more time.

I had no idea it would be the last time.

I don't hear from you anymore. It's better this way. I guess you are busy being happy and planning your new life. I bet the wedding will be special and the honeymoon is all set and will be the best ever. Probably your family and friends are all happy for you. Easter is your favorite holiday and it will be your one year anniversary of being in a relationship. What a great way to start a life with the woman you love. How nice. Good for you. Probably your happiness is evident and infectious to everyone who sees you. Probably you hope that I'm okay but even if I'm not there's not much for you to do about it.

The day passed uneventfully enough. I worked, it's good, I'm good at it. I came home to kids and Gracie the dog.

You will start a good, great, clean life with your new local love. Good for you both. Warm wishes for you both. I hope it's everything you want.

I wish it was me. This is so hard.