I Am Trying To Let Go Of The Past
I’m sorry I know you must have just woken up from sleep and this message is not very welcoming with sunshine and stars but I’m sorry I don’t think I can tell this to you any other way.
Ever since you told me that you love me 1.5 years back, I’ve never looked back. Even when you told me, if I remember correctly, that, there’s a girl in your life that you’ve promised her mother to take care of, forever, I couldn’t just say no to you. Something about our connection just made me, come back to you, despite all the loops and holes in our relationship. It is not exactly conventional, what we have, but I never questioned your love for me or my love for you, ever. To be very honest, I sometimes like to think that there’s no Smriti in your life and that youre only mine and what we have is perfect. Anytime you bring her up, that is when I’m reminded that you have someone, and that is not me. All this while I kept going, even when I knew that we don’t have a future together.
And now I don’t think I can. When I saw you kissing Smriti, it hit me real hard. I can never have that. You are her’s. I’m just here, thinking about you, when you have your life there. It’s not a surprise to me, I very well know that Smriti is a very important person in your life, but seeing that firsthand just crushed me into pieces. I couldn’t stay at your place after that. But what can I do? I just calmed myself, I don’t want to cause a scene, I just kept mum. I can’t keep going on like this Nitesh. I’m happy when we’re away from each other, talking on phone, texting but I’m not happy when I’m at your place because it’s like reality is asking me to step in, observe and re evaluate my decisions. Maybe that is why I’ve been putting off coming to meet you all the while, because deep down I knew that it’s going to hurt me bad. I know we can’t have anything long term and meaningful and it’s not what you’re looking for. And now I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve realised that we love each other, in a different way, and it can never sync. And it’s for the best, if we don’t continue this.
One thing I want to mention here is that I’ve always appreciated your honesty and love. You were always open with me, never made any false promises, never led me on. You’re the kind of person, that I want to be with. Now, 10 years from now, or even after that. I’m just glad that I got to meet someone versatile like you in my early periods of life. I want to be your friend, that will always be there. We can talk science, genes, chromosomes. Forever.
I love you. I love you so much, you have no idea. But I can’t keep doing this, waiting for that one day when you’ll be mine, which will never come. And that is why I’m letting go of what we had.
Ever since you told me that you love me 1.5 years back, I’ve never looked back. Even when you told me, if I remember correctly, that, there’s a girl in your life that you’ve promised her mother to take care of, forever, I couldn’t just say no to you. Something about our connection just made me, come back to you, despite all the loops and holes in our relationship. It is not exactly conventional, what we have, but I never questioned your love for me or my love for you, ever. To be very honest, I sometimes like to think that there’s no Smriti in your life and that youre only mine and what we have is perfect. Anytime you bring her up, that is when I’m reminded that you have someone, and that is not me. All this while I kept going, even when I knew that we don’t have a future together.
And now I don’t think I can. When I saw you kissing Smriti, it hit me real hard. I can never have that. You are her’s. I’m just here, thinking about you, when you have your life there. It’s not a surprise to me, I very well know that Smriti is a very important person in your life, but seeing that firsthand just crushed me into pieces. I couldn’t stay at your place after that. But what can I do? I just calmed myself, I don’t want to cause a scene, I just kept mum. I can’t keep going on like this Nitesh. I’m happy when we’re away from each other, talking on phone, texting but I’m not happy when I’m at your place because it’s like reality is asking me to step in, observe and re evaluate my decisions. Maybe that is why I’ve been putting off coming to meet you all the while, because deep down I knew that it’s going to hurt me bad. I know we can’t have anything long term and meaningful and it’s not what you’re looking for. And now I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve realised that we love each other, in a different way, and it can never sync. And it’s for the best, if we don’t continue this.
One thing I want to mention here is that I’ve always appreciated your honesty and love. You were always open with me, never made any false promises, never led me on. You’re the kind of person, that I want to be with. Now, 10 years from now, or even after that. I’m just glad that I got to meet someone versatile like you in my early periods of life. I want to be your friend, that will always be there. We can talk science, genes, chromosomes. Forever.
I love you. I love you so much, you have no idea. But I can’t keep doing this, waiting for that one day when you’ll be mine, which will never come. And that is why I’m letting go of what we had.
22-25, F
