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I Miss Him So Much It Hurts

Every night when I lay in bed, I think of him. When I wake, he is the first thought and the unstoppable image that keeps rewinding in my head.

I can't believe he has left me, I can't fathom the idea that I will no longer hear him whisper I love you in my ear. Where are those sturdy hands and fingers that wipe away my tears, hold and comfort me when I'm sad.

The day you closed your eyes and left this world behind, I fell right through and crashed to the ground.

Where are you Sergei?

How could you leave me, the last breath you took, your last heartbeat pulled me to the depth of despair. Our promises and dreams evaporate into thin air. I want to put both my hands on your face, nose to nose, look into your big blue eyes and whisper I love you. You left my heart in pieces scattered in the land of no return Without hope.

I'm now staring at nothing, how much longer will I keep drowning. There's no going back, now I'm left in limbo.

I will never forgive you!

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lovingdead · 31-35, M

They're never fully gone, (yes they live on in our hearts), but we forever see bits of them in people we meet in our life, a hell unlike any other. But still we walk, we live on, living more for those we've lost than ourselves.

If you ever need to talk I (as I'm sure many here) are here to listen.

LostInTheDesert · 31-35, F

Thank you for those kind words, some days are good and today is one of those days. I can smell him, feel him everywhere I go. I wish there was a reset button, press it and reset myself.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

Have you ever seen the film, eternal sunshine of a spotless mind?

It talks of resets.

I often wish for a reset, but maybe that pain has a silver lining.

It hardens you, (not fun) but like the tempering of a blade in fire. Allowing us to face greater battles in life.

We'd have no trees if the seeds were never cracked open.

The people of our past, weather they left this world or just our lives, they lit a candle in our hearts, illuminating and showing us pains hidden by darkness.

Sometimes that flame burns us, sometimes it wavers and flickers in the empty howling winds, but it's forever part of us now, the melting wax drips down filling the cracks of broken hearts over and over and over.