I Im Sick
Im just sick of people completely avoiding me, pushing me away or using and abusing me because of what i look like or because of my caring nature. No i dont feel comfortable in generic clothes from the typical high street stores like new look or top shop. I feel better in gothicy clothes and band t shirts. No i dont like just regular make up styles, i will draw extra lines round/ through my eyes and lips that look like tribal art or stitches etc. It does not mean im an unlovable monster who is only on this planet for others people's amusement.
Goddam im just sick of it all. I want to be happy, i want that happy comfortable relationship without fear. I want friends that i can hang out with and be me without risk of them turning their back when im feeling depressed. I have had depression since i was 15 and its only getting worse becausd everyone i ever get close to ends up hurting me, giving me another struggle to bounce back from. Its getting harder to do.
Whilst i appreciate the few seconds that someone has to say it, i also hate all the generic unimaginative 'it will be ok' and 'have faith' bullshit that people spout because they just want a quick answer to end the conversation.i have heard it all before. Telling someone that its life and basically just to get over it does not help a person get over it.
I have been through therapy and been to the doctors. It hasnt helped. I just want to find that one person i can share my life with, who makes me smile and feel safe regardless of how my day went. Someone who wont judge me or just use me as a play thing until something or someone better comes along. I have done the single life and i know i can do it but i feel so much happier in a relationship. Does that make me a bad person? Is that something unreasonble to want? Everyone deserves to be loved and held and just to be made to feel happy and safe.
Rant over....
Goddam im just sick of it all. I want to be happy, i want that happy comfortable relationship without fear. I want friends that i can hang out with and be me without risk of them turning their back when im feeling depressed. I have had depression since i was 15 and its only getting worse becausd everyone i ever get close to ends up hurting me, giving me another struggle to bounce back from. Its getting harder to do.
Whilst i appreciate the few seconds that someone has to say it, i also hate all the generic unimaginative 'it will be ok' and 'have faith' bullshit that people spout because they just want a quick answer to end the conversation.i have heard it all before. Telling someone that its life and basically just to get over it does not help a person get over it.
I have been through therapy and been to the doctors. It hasnt helped. I just want to find that one person i can share my life with, who makes me smile and feel safe regardless of how my day went. Someone who wont judge me or just use me as a play thing until something or someone better comes along. I have done the single life and i know i can do it but i feel so much happier in a relationship. Does that make me a bad person? Is that something unreasonble to want? Everyone deserves to be loved and held and just to be made to feel happy and safe.
Rant over....
36-40, F
