I Didn't Get What I Was Expecting And It Hurts Like Hell

I never really loved him romantically.....Yes I tried to see what it would feel like long after he was long gone but it only lasted maybe 10 seconds ha ha ha.....Although I believe that he believes that I was in love with him because thats what they told him, I mean that is what our movie was based on! Plus the spirit of Jezebel was there making me look like I wanted him sexually when I didn't.....I liked him once but he didn't like me because he was so thouroughly decieved....All I ever wanted was to get to know him on a personal level and for him to like me for me being someone who's darkness had turned to light.....All of that was thrown out the window my hopes were dashed when I wanted understanding I got confusion and deciete, and wound up back in darkness. There is no consolation prize there is no hope in saving us, there is no closure......Its time to let go of it and forget.