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I Don't Know Who I Am

LOST!... i used to have my day planned out! i would wake up at 5am for school. I would get a mini workout in and then get ready for school. i would actually care about my appearance and curl my hair even though it would take me an hour. Then i would put on makeup that would make me look so amazing that people would compliment me on my hair, my outfit, and my celebrity inspired makeup. Then at lunch i would come up with plenty of excuses of why i wasn't eating. Life was so perfect! i was thin, and beautiful and i got outside and made memories. I thought getting help with my eating it would make my life better. However all i do is sit on my ass and watch television. And convince myself that i would have a shot making it in life as a singer but the truth is i'm pathedic. I have no positive attitude on life. At the beginning i had so much energy and excitement to become healthy but now i dont care anymore. I dont care if i wear the same sweatshirt 3 days a week. I dont care if i eat for two people. I dont care if i pass school or get into college because now i honestly dont know where the yell i even belong anymore. I'm desperate and alone and i dont know why i became this depressed lonely girl! i miss being the fearless girl who walked the halls in high heels and didn't give a shit about what people thought of me. I'm weak and i hate it! Things need to change badly! but i dont have a clue how. I am a waste of life. I'm so disappointed in this girl, Because the girl i see in the mirror is defiantly not who i am, an NOT WHO I WANT TO BE.

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EnchantingMinx

Hello love, I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances but it sounds like you maybe be battling some form or type of depression. I think you need to get all your issues out on the table, and have a qualified person help you sort through them before the best years of your life pass by you. These are exciting years in your life don't waste them they are gone in the blink of an eye. I know the boat you are in because I have one foot in it as well. You know what though one day it clicked for me despite whatever issues I had, which mainly were trying to be perfect trying to be the miss america give the right answer dress the right way etc. I was competing with anyone and everyone but I wasn't competing with myself. I decided I didn't want to be in the boat anymore so I looked deep into the proverbial water and well took a dive so to speak while keeping myself anchored in the boat.

Now what's my point? My point is you have the desire to change you don't know how, that part is easy take a good long look in the mirror take some photos and look at them past and present then imagine your future looking at both and start to take small steps into blending the two together to create a harmony a balance of sorts. It will take time patience and dedication, but honey if you had it once you can do it again I guarantee it! Stay strong and try to find some sort of healthy happiness each day. Xxx