I Have Something to Say

It's around 4 am and it's around this time I find myself questioning why do I even go on? Why do I persist? I was injured while in the Army, not combat related. Actually, while getting ready to deploy it happened. I was told how lucky I was, but I don't feel like it. Others have had injuries in the line of duty and they deserve the recognition and care they receive. I just don't feel it. I go through the appointments, I do all I'm suppose to, but in the end, I just feel ashamed when I am around veterans that saw combat. I feel like I let my unit down, not like my being there would have altered anything, I wasn't some super soldier. But still, the pain and depression drive me to hate being here, breathing.

I know some will troll this, that's fine, whatever gets your rocks off to make yourself feel better about your life. Most on here don't know me but will still try sounding positive or maybe, just maybe this will garner no attention whatsoever and just end up being a rant to blow off steam and get all this muck out of my head. No matter where it goes, for right now this is how I feel. I feel so alone.

I have some friends online, I game with when I can, Skype calls with and talk movies and stories and some I've shared more of who I am with. But they have lives to live and I don't begrudge them that. I'm happy for them. But mine is non-existent. I don't feel I've accomplished anything and that once I am gone, it won't be long before I'm forgotten. This isn't a pity party, I don't need people to pat me on the back and tell me how wrong I am. In my mindset, I doubt I'd believe it.

So why am I here and writing this? Good question, maybe because I don't know many people here and I can safely vent this without feeling like I'll be committed for how I feel. Depression is a hard thing to combat alone, it's hard no matter what and each one of use battling it is doing it in our own ways, no two are the same.

Damn, now I'm just rambling. Anyway, this is the something I have to say at the moment. Like it or not, it's how I feel. Going to log from here for a bit to clear my head if I can. Anyone reading this, as always, thanks for putting up with my long winded tirade.