My Situation Has Fallen Apart
A few days ago I posted that I had finally found a home with my nieces up in Portland, Oregon (I'm currently living in southern CA and 70 miles east of LA). I took a long time (several months) to make my decision. I really need to be in a place where I can be cared for; I am 75 years old with several medical conditions and can no longer function well on my own. My niece in Portland came up with an idea that she and I combine our funds and either buy (rent to own?) or rent a house. She has a 13 year old daughter and the daughter and I text back and forth, as well as my daily communications with my niece, her mother.
After carefully examining the situation and giving it a lot of thought, I decided to go live with my two nieces in Portland. I planned to move there in the spring or summer.
Then, this morning, a curve ball came my way. Unexpected news. I am devastated.
It seems my niece has decided to reconcile with her 2nd (most recent) husband. They had a stormy marriage for about 3 years, then separated and filed for divorce. She assured me it was over. But now she says he has been courting her all over again and she believes he has "passed the test" of showing he can be a good partner so she is taking him back. When she first married him, she described him as "having a bit of a temper." She says he's never hit her, but has greatly upset her with his temper and general emotional insensitivity to her.
What upsets me is having a different kind of situation and household than I had originally agreed to now thrust upon me. (Usually these switcheroos happen as you're walking in the door with your suitcase). No sooner did I agreed to move in than the situation changes.
So now I am having to reconsider the whole deal again from scratch. Four people instead of 3 to consider. One man "with a bit of a temper." A marriage in the delicate process of healing...or breaking up again. And me right in the middle of it. Not something I wanted or planned on. She says she thought I'd understood that her ex husband would be part of our household. But I didn't. She only stated it clearly this morning.
I had pictured something involving 3 women including myself in one house together. Now I really don't know what to do. I need a home, almost had one, and can still have one if I accept one more person. I feel trapped into this. What to do? I have time to consider this. Months actually. I'm glad I didn't find out as I was walking in the door with my suitcase in hand.
Of course, I now wonder what else she hasn't told me about regarding our potential household in Portland. What else will I discover about my situation that I hadn't known before? Also, I do not regard a bad temper as a minor problem but rather as a serious impediment to a peaceful marriage--or household. And it's not something people recover from in a few months of love, good intentions and pop psychology. I foresee a breakup in the future and if my past experiences have taught me anything, it will be blamed on me before it's over. I would be the outsider in that household. I can see myself being forced to move in the middle of some midnight Portland rainstorm and sleeping in my car like a street person. I don't think I would ever feel safe and stable there as I'd hoped for. Should I even bother to go there at all? I do need a place where I'm cared for but maybe I should be looking elsewhere.
Any opinions you want to post here will be appreciated. But no rudeness,please, as I am already upset at this sudden (to me) change of plans. I feel like a fool for ever believing it would work out as stated.
After carefully examining the situation and giving it a lot of thought, I decided to go live with my two nieces in Portland. I planned to move there in the spring or summer.
Then, this morning, a curve ball came my way. Unexpected news. I am devastated.
It seems my niece has decided to reconcile with her 2nd (most recent) husband. They had a stormy marriage for about 3 years, then separated and filed for divorce. She assured me it was over. But now she says he has been courting her all over again and she believes he has "passed the test" of showing he can be a good partner so she is taking him back. When she first married him, she described him as "having a bit of a temper." She says he's never hit her, but has greatly upset her with his temper and general emotional insensitivity to her.
What upsets me is having a different kind of situation and household than I had originally agreed to now thrust upon me. (Usually these switcheroos happen as you're walking in the door with your suitcase). No sooner did I agreed to move in than the situation changes.
So now I am having to reconsider the whole deal again from scratch. Four people instead of 3 to consider. One man "with a bit of a temper." A marriage in the delicate process of healing...or breaking up again. And me right in the middle of it. Not something I wanted or planned on. She says she thought I'd understood that her ex husband would be part of our household. But I didn't. She only stated it clearly this morning.
I had pictured something involving 3 women including myself in one house together. Now I really don't know what to do. I need a home, almost had one, and can still have one if I accept one more person. I feel trapped into this. What to do? I have time to consider this. Months actually. I'm glad I didn't find out as I was walking in the door with my suitcase in hand.
Of course, I now wonder what else she hasn't told me about regarding our potential household in Portland. What else will I discover about my situation that I hadn't known before? Also, I do not regard a bad temper as a minor problem but rather as a serious impediment to a peaceful marriage--or household. And it's not something people recover from in a few months of love, good intentions and pop psychology. I foresee a breakup in the future and if my past experiences have taught me anything, it will be blamed on me before it's over. I would be the outsider in that household. I can see myself being forced to move in the middle of some midnight Portland rainstorm and sleeping in my car like a street person. I don't think I would ever feel safe and stable there as I'd hoped for. Should I even bother to go there at all? I do need a place where I'm cared for but maybe I should be looking elsewhere.
Any opinions you want to post here will be appreciated. But no rudeness,please, as I am already upset at this sudden (to me) change of plans. I feel like a fool for ever believing it would work out as stated.
70-79, F
