I don’t know what I’d do as a parent

Back when I was 16 I remember my boyfriend at the time invited me to Six flags with his aunt who had two kids. One of them was 7(?) the other was 2(?).

I remember she asked me to get her youngest out of the van while she settled all her belongings and calmed down her other child. For like 30 seconds I was panicking on how to pick up the kid correctly. Since I wasn’t around children much and I didn’t want to do it wrong.

Later that day my boyfriend had to go to the bathroom and handed the youngest to me. And she started bawling. I started crying after a few minutes cause nothing I did to calm her down worked. Made me think that I wouldn’t be a good mom.

Now fast forward to about 6 years later. I’m 23 now. And I don’t want a kid now or soon. (Not at least until my fiancé (different guy) has deployed and come back) He’s always mentioned that he wants kids. And they’re times when I watch how he takes care of our dog and how he acts around other people’s kids that I feel like he would be a great person to have a family with- and for a moment I see myself starting a family with him. I still think back to that and panic inside...

Any advice?