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I Have Avoidant Personality Disorder

It's not easy to talk with people about this side of you or your life that it's day after day there to sabotage your freedom, unsolved bc it's a part of your personality. It's a part of you but you know noone is gonna understand how deeply is suffocating you.
You want to find people who can understand you, but it's in vain.
I even find hard to talk openly about it here. And there are days that I need it a lot but maybe in this way I have the feeling that I can be "normal" here.

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Pfuzylogic · M

That must make your job difficult.

twistermind · 51-55, F

@Pfuzylogic: Yes. My job, group activities, my relations with people...

Pfuzylogic · M

@twistermind: constant anxiety?

twistermind · 51-55, F

@Pfuzylogic: Yes. One of the illness I have due to my disorder is anxiety. I call it fear. I think this word describes better what I feel.

Pfuzylogic · M

@twistermind: I don't want to sound like a Doctor but there must be a fear from the past that is disabling you,

twistermind · 51-55, F

@Pfuzylogic: From what I know is part due to my temperament and part due to educative model. I developed avoidance as a defence mechanism. So, up to a point, I did it to me.
But, I don't feel realeased with knowing the causes, it's so ingrain in my personality that it's a big part of what I am.

Pfuzylogic · M

@twistermind: Minds are complicated.
So many factors contribute to the reactions of our environment.
I find it incredible you take on teaching.
That job has so many challenges.

twistermind · 51-55, F

@Pfuzylogic: Always wanted to work with kids. I don't see them as scary as adults. But, I'm currently pretty stressed and I'm afraid of not being able to cope with it for a long time.

Pfuzylogic · M

@twistermind: Have you tried the services of a Therapist? I would hate to see you give up on an occupation that you are obviously gifted in. Find a few tools to help fight the predictable stressors.

twistermind · 51-55, F

@Pfuzylogic: Yes. I begun with therapists since I received my first salary. I didn't want to charge my parents with a burden. They had enough.
Honestly, I could be in my first years very well at work bc of a therapist.
I have a therapist. Next Friday, I will have an appointment with her.
Had some steps backwards in therapy,
It's not easy. As much as I try it...there's always this thought about me not being good.
Thank you for your concern. :-)

Pfuzylogic · M

@twistermind: For me, empathy can be one of the most important characteristics of a therapist