I Have Inner Demons

When I was younger I used to cut myself. I wanted to the pain to manifest itself, as if by opening my skin my deamons would somehow leave my body. Everytime I wrote on my scrapbook it was as if they were talking to me, feelings of primal rage and self-loathing. I would leave home in the middle of the night to go into the woods and scream as loud as I could hoping to materialise them and then fight them. I kept thinking everything would be better if they just left or if I just left somehow.
“Who could ever want this mess?”
To this day I can only function by exhastion, by drowning them out so that I can sleep no matter how loud they scream.
And I know better, I know those deamons aren’t some sort of infection. They are an intrinsical part of my identity and I will forever have to coexist with them or leave with them.