I Am Broken

Please do not laugh at any of the euphemisms in the following anecdote.

So I played football tonight and pulled my groin. Please stop laughing. That's what it's called.

When I got home I tried to stretch out my groin. Seriously stop laughing. It needed to be stretched out because I have a lot of working to do and I could do without my groin getting in the way.

So also I've just sneezed a couple of times, and it turns out that with every sneeze I've ever done my entire groin has tensed up, and I wasn't aware of this until now, because previously it felt normal, and now it feels like someone is pounding on my groin.