I Hate My Body

I'm pretty sure I have some sort of body dysmorphia. I hate the way I look. No matter what I do to change how I look, it's never enough. I am sick of hating how I look. I see other girls on social media (cliche I know) that are uglier than me but also way prettier than me. I wish I looked better. There's always something I don't like when I look in the mirror. "when I look in the mirror" - I hate mirrors. I hate photos... unless they're heavily filtered to show me what I should look like. This quarntine is not helping. Even though I'm still moving and going to work. it's not enough. I can feel the pounds piling on. It makes me sick. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... etc etc... I know. I think it doesn't help that I have so many insecurities. Worsened I think by the fact that my bf likes pictures of beautiful gorgeous sexy women on instagram... I don't mind him doing that... only it ramps my insecurities up by 100% - because I'll never look like the women he likes. He's probably only with me cause he couldn't get them, or cause he's desperate? I literaly feel nauseous. I wish I could just be confident and happy like all those body positivity people... but you have to work with what you got and I got nothing ahaha. I'm obese... but the wrong type of obese! How did that even happen?? I've got curves in all the wrong places.

....whooops??? TMI??? What am I even doing???