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I Will Not Gossip About Myself Or Others

I don't understand people who tell you things about people you don't even know. I had a conversation earlier today and apparently Jenny's mother's dog-walker's cousin's friend might be getting married next year. Aside from the fact I have no idea who this person is, the wedding wasn't even definite and is still a "might".

I should only be told stuff when I actually know the people involved AND it's weird, like the groom will be wearing a papier mache elephant head throughout the ceremony and will trumpet loudly instead of kissing the bride.
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SW-User
Is that what I have to look forward to as I get older - the excitement produced by the ability to regularly move my bowels? *sigh* I'll stick to carpentry. You know, carpentry is a worthwhile pursuit that can be undertaken even in advanced age.

Don't forget a nice slow buff either - use something soft and nonabrasive.