Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Opening sequence to unfinished book

CHAPTER ONE
The Black Yett, Forfarshire, Scotland, September 1899
“Steady, lass!” The driver of the dog-cart soothed his horse as it pulled to the right. “She’s always skittish here,” the driver explained to me. “She doesn’t like passing the old graveyard.”
We had reached a crossroads, where the Black Yett of Sidlaw, the main road, eased off towards Perth along the foot of the Sidlaw Hills, and our much narrower road headed north. Our road snaked up a pass between two green heights. The driver’s old graveyard was tucked behind a moss-furred dry-stane dyke, with a scattering of gravestones at different angles, as if each was trying to escape the bondage of the soil.
“It doesn’t look well-kept,” I glanced over the wall with little interest.
“No,” the driver shook his head. He climbed off his perch to settle the horse, fondling its ear and blowing into its nostrils. “Easy lass, I’ll lead you. Steady, now.”
I remained in the back of the cart as the driver walked us past the graveyard, with its single rowan tree splendid with blood-red berries and the grass rank over the humps of neglected graves.
“Why is it so unkempt?” I asked.
“It’s a suicides’ graveyard,” the driver said, shortly. He said no more until we were a hundred yards beyond the place, and he gave his horse a final caress and resumed his seat.
“Are there many suicides around here?” I asked as a smirr of rain slithered from the hills to wash some of the journey’s dust from us.
“Too many,” the driver said. “It can be ill land to farm.” He flicked the reins on the rump of his horse, and we moved slightly faster. The iron-shod wheels of the cart ground on the unmade road, deepening the grooves made by a thousand previous vehicles over ten centuries of use. This land had been inhabited for millennia, I knew. I could feel the history pressing in on me; I could hear the whispering voices of the long-dead and sense the slow tide of passing years.
To my northern eyes, the land was not ill-favoured. Grass and heather covered the hills, making excellent sheep country, with parks, or fields, where cattle grazed or lay together.
A colourful Gypsy wagon passed us, with the driver lifting a hand in acknowledgement and a gaggle of tousle-headed children running behind. When they waved to me, I smiled and waved back.
“Aye, only tinkers and Gypsies use this road,” my driver said. “Them and men who can’t afford to farm decent soil.” He shook his head. “We’d be better off without these tinker vagrants.”
I said nothing to that, being a bit of a vagrant myself. I watched the gypsy caravan lurch around a bend and heard the high-pitched barking of the Gypsy dogs.
The hills rose on either side; not the craggy granite of my previous home, but softly smooth, specked with the white forms of sheep and, redolent with patches of heather. I thought them friendly heights and hoped I had left my bitter memories behind me.
“Aye, it’s a dreich day,” the driver misinterpreted my thoughts, as people often do.
hartfire Best Comment
There's an implication that somehow a horse is meant to be sensitive to the unquiet souls of suicides. Maybe some humans might believe that - but you would have to set up the preconditions of a speculative world in which ghosts exist and horses have that kind of sensitivity.

I've known horses all my life, so lost you me at the graveyard. A horse would not react that way to a familiar place unless it had had a bad experience at that spot.
I read a bit further to check whether there would be a believable explanation about the horse's past but there was none - only blather about suicides.

Neither a soothing voice command nor fondling the ear and blowing into the nostril would calm a nervous horse.
Making an affectionate fuss would reward the behaviour.
Fear is overcome by species-specific desensitisation; with a horse, it would require spending an entire day at that spot, no fuss, plenty of feed and water - nothing either good or bad happening - so the horse learns there's nothing to worry about.

This is one of the things I detest about certain kinds of fiction - writers making up stuff about horses that no horse handler could believe.
Whether the genre is historical or speculative, verisimilitude is essential.

The chapter reads like a lull in a story - perhaps a linking incident in the plot. There needs to be something important about the driver and the journey, so that both contribute to moving the plot forward.

I'd start with a more exciting incident - something which causes the reader to identify with the protagonist, induces curiosity, and compels the reader to want to know how the story turns out.
helensusanswift · 26-30, F
@hartfire I have copied and pasted your replies in my 'future notes' file- so thank you again.
The book is a supernatural mystery - the fourth in a series - based around Scottish folklore. The Black Yett and the Suicides graveyard both exist, although I changed their geographical setting, and the horse's fear comes from folklore from a particular type of phenomenon that also affected dogs and cattle. The stories are legion, from all across the country, Caithness to the Borders.
@helensusanswift Thanks. In the context, I withdraw my objections. When a reader knows the alternate rules in a fictional reality there's no problem. :)
helensusanswift · 26-30, F
@hartfire Oh, I appreciated the comments! Thank you for taking the time. I will certainly use the horse- knowledge to try and enhance the text.

SW-User
Well done! I enjoyed reading it.
helensusanswift · 26-30, F
@SW-User thank you!
Quimliqer · 70-79, M
That draws the readers attention to the surrounding hills, the meaning on the passengers visit to old haunts!! Beautifully written!!
helensusanswift · 26-30, F
@Quimliqer Thank you - I am still working on the book - not sure if I like it sufficiently to complete it, though.
assemblingaknob · 26-30, F
I love your descriptions!! Thanks for sharing. I'm not an avid reader but I really enjoyed this. Good luck!!
I love tinker vagrants.

I even have a gypsy wagon in my back yard!!
helensusanswift · 26-30, F
@Elevatorpitches They only have a very small part in this book. Just a cameo appearance, although the main character is a bit of a wanderer, she does not work with tin, nor is she Gypsy.

 
Post Comment