I Am Independent

I get so frustrated when I do something (or fail to do something) that requires someone else to be inconvenienced). I am surrounded by people who are wonderful and care about me and are happy to pick up the pieces, but I struggle with knowing that they are doing something that was my responsibility.

Some of this is pride and I need to on occasion be less independent, but some is simply the way I was raised.

My dad left our family when I was 7 and my mom never remained. We were poor and my older siblings and my mom were devastated by the abandonment. I found at an early age that my humor and my willingness to take care of things made everyone happier.

At 14 I started bailing hay so we would have money for groceries and then when fall came would go into school and work 2 to 3 hours everyday before school with the maintenance department. Those hours at minimum wage were a lifesaver for our family, buying food, or fuel oil or even helping to pay rent. Even now my older siblings simply expect me to handle situations that effect all of us. I have learned to embrace that role and even now in my family and my job, I am the problem solver and the glue. I believe I have some God given gifts that enable me to do that well.

However, I screw up and forget things. I have always stuggled to remember everything, so it's not my age.. (lol.. ok.. at least not 100% my age). I am told that it's because I am doing so many things with so many people. I appreciate that, because it shows someone cares enough to want me to worry less about it, but frankly, that's just an excuse. I need to do better.

Coming back from an out of state track meet at 3 am, I simply forgot to refuel one of our vans and so someone who needed it today had to do it for me. The system is simple, you do it after using them, so the next team is able to get a smooth start. I have been forgiven, but am very frustrated today..

Heh.. this may be my first vent...lol