I Will Find What I Am Looking For
Back when I was a kid whatever went missing in the house was probably under my bed. Besides a ton of dust one could find dishes and forks, the salt shaker, toys, books, socks and other assorted clothes. Yes, I took my older sister’s things too but a whack from mom dissuaded me from touching her things.
I decided in a sense to go back there to look under my bed now to see what might be there and this is what I found.
I lost my brown shoe, the big soft floppy one, the one that when I put it on felt like I was walking on air. In the shoe was fifty six cents, how it got there is anyone’s guess.
Of course there was my picture books of all the far away places I was going to travel to as I thought I wanted to see the world but that was a dream unfulfilled. But looking at the exotic romantic pictures of the world fueled my imagination.
I finally found those old pictures, the ones I was meaning to put in my photo album when I had film in my camera. I had one of those at one time. Now I shoot digital but there are those old pictures the ones with the yellowed edges and the date was stamped on the back, wow, what date does that say?
Let me get down on my belly and reach far, far under there. And it’s dusty as usual. My allergies will kill me but I have to see what else I can find.
Ah, there they are. I knew I’d find them. Memories of my life. Smiles and tears, triumphs and fears. Every door that I walked through, every door left unopened. every door never tested, every door left unchecked.
Every friend I wanted but could never have, every excuse I made for “why not” or “why try.” The few girls I dated so I could say I did, the times I cried because of the pain of being afraid.
Well it was worth me looking for things under my bed. I know I’d find more things if I looked and I wasn’t surprised by what I found cause what I found were pieces of my life in all it’s bound volumes and scraps of paper, crumpled and shredded and how they painstakingly were remembered.
Till next time I guess when I have nothing to do and I want to see next what I’ve checked off on my list...
I decided in a sense to go back there to look under my bed now to see what might be there and this is what I found.
I lost my brown shoe, the big soft floppy one, the one that when I put it on felt like I was walking on air. In the shoe was fifty six cents, how it got there is anyone’s guess.
Of course there was my picture books of all the far away places I was going to travel to as I thought I wanted to see the world but that was a dream unfulfilled. But looking at the exotic romantic pictures of the world fueled my imagination.
I finally found those old pictures, the ones I was meaning to put in my photo album when I had film in my camera. I had one of those at one time. Now I shoot digital but there are those old pictures the ones with the yellowed edges and the date was stamped on the back, wow, what date does that say?
Let me get down on my belly and reach far, far under there. And it’s dusty as usual. My allergies will kill me but I have to see what else I can find.
Ah, there they are. I knew I’d find them. Memories of my life. Smiles and tears, triumphs and fears. Every door that I walked through, every door left unopened. every door never tested, every door left unchecked.
Every friend I wanted but could never have, every excuse I made for “why not” or “why try.” The few girls I dated so I could say I did, the times I cried because of the pain of being afraid.
Well it was worth me looking for things under my bed. I know I’d find more things if I looked and I wasn’t surprised by what I found cause what I found were pieces of my life in all it’s bound volumes and scraps of paper, crumpled and shredded and how they painstakingly were remembered.
Till next time I guess when I have nothing to do and I want to see next what I’ve checked off on my list...
