I Am Jealous

There's this guy from my college that I had feelings for. I never felt that way before about anyone. We filmed a movie together when we were in film club and I knew right then that I had feelings for him. I'll never know if he felt the same way. I thought he might have. I felt like he was flirting with me. But when we were done filming, I just left. I didn't say bye to him because I was afraid he would ask for my number. If he did, I would have given it to him and maybe something would have started. But I was afraid of something to start because I come from a strict Jewish family that only believes in being with people within the religion so I knew they wouldn't accept him even if he made me happy. And I'm asexual so I'm sure he wouldn't have been happy about that fact. We would run into each other on campus and say hi but that was it. I friended him on Facebook thinking maybe we could at least strike up a friendship. I would comment on his posts and he would like my pictures. Then a few months ago, he announced he was in a relationship. I've seen what his new girlfriend looks like. I don't know, in the pictures, she never really smiles. She looks plain. He's always smiling in the pictures but not her. And it makes me mad because if he was my boyfriend, I would always be smiling. But then again, I don't know what their relationship is like behind the pictures. I should be happy for him but I keep thinking that I let him slip away. I'll always wonder that if he ever had feelings for me and if I pushed him away. That I should have just went for it. But it all doesn't matter anymore. He's with someone else that he looks happy with. I just hope she realizes what she has and doesn't hurt him. I just need to tell myself that if it was meant to be, it would happen.