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I Am Afraid of Opening Up to People

It's a shame that there aren't more people identifying with this group. The irony of a group of people afraid to open up to others having few--if any--active members is not lost on me. Still, if ever there was a forum where one should feel relatively safe opening up to others, I believe it would be found online. Isn't that part of the allure of internet society, that one could be "anonymous" and remain unknown in public life?

I'd like to be able to interact with some folks who have a desire to be honest with themselves and others. Perhaps together we can find the courage to be truer to ourselves and to those closest to us--or those we wish were closer to us.

Is anyone else out there willing to take the plunge with me?

"Buehler? Beuhler?"

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ordinaryMe · 31-35, F

Anonymity is a very interesting tool that can be used to harm people but it also gives people a chance to take off the mask, look at things from a deeper, more honest perspective and share their conclusions, hoping other people can learn from their experience.
This website gives people a chance to say what they think and how they feel without having to put their face next to the words that come out from underneath their fingers. It's a sense of reassuring freedom.

otto78 · M

@ordinaryMe Bingo! Beautifully said. If it wasn't for that (anonymity) I wouldn't even venture into this territory.

ordinaryMe · 31-35, F

Thank you :) I have problems opening up to people, writing makes it easier for me, especially when I don't really have to own up to it in a sense, I don't need to sign it with my name. I hide my real thoughts and emotions behind a mask consisting of sarcasm and pretending to shrug everything off and then I sit down and put a pen to paper, or press these keys. And this is the person I actually am. Confused, a little bit lost but quite feisty fighting my way through life.. SO I understand what you mean :)

otto78 · M

All my life people have viewed me as someone who "has it all together".
Inside, I'm screaming, "No, I don't! I'm a mess and have these problems and fears that would send you running if I told you about them!"

It's much easier for me to open up here because you don't know me from anyone else. Online I can maintain the assumed safety of the facade that people see outwardly while revealing here what's inside me.

And even doing that feels like such a huge risk. All because of this "If you really knew me, then..." syndrome. If I put it out there anywhere--no matter how "anonymous" I may be--I fear that it could still come back to haunt me with regret that I ever said anything.

ordinaryMe · 31-35, F

People who smile the most are usually the ones that actually cry on the inside. That is the sad and ultimate truth.
I'd like to think that talking in here can be a good kind of practice for the outside world. Of course, the outside world is much more judgmental and it is much more terrifying to jest show your true colours but I refuse to believe it's impossible. I believe if someone works hard for it, they can make it happen

otto78 · M

It's possible. I've been fortunate enough to see it happen, to even experience it for myself. But I've only felt comfortable, confident, doing it once--and that was only because of the special little community of people I was with. I genuinely trusted them and they did not betray that trust. Unfortunately, that community was short-lived. I miss the security and safety I felt when I was with them in that time and place.

Perhaps I can regain some of that through this online forum. With people like you.

ordinaryMe · 31-35, F

Trust is a difficult thing to come by. It needs to be earned and proven. It is understandable you have a fear of opening up and sharing what's inside your head with people - it is the very core of who you are. Sharing a part of you is not easy, especially when it can meet with rejection. Taking small steps in that direction can help.

I am here if you need to talk to someone.