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I Feel Someone Is With Me

That's Another Thing I've Never Told Anyone...... I think it's a guy. It would have to be a guy because if he wasn't... that would be a little weird. I can't see him though so I don't know how he looks like so I believe the image of him in my mind is one I subconsciously created, that it is not really how he looks like. I just put a face on him on my own. It might really be him or it might not, I don't know. I've never seen him firsthand. Just glimpses that I can't remember for some reason... But I do know that he's tall. I do remember his height, which is weird because my brain can't hold onto much else.

He's been with me for as long as I can remember. Since I was a little girl, but he was never a little boy. I don't remember him being a little boy. He always seemed the same as he is now. Same height. Same... maturity? I don't know, but he never seems to change. I used to think he was an imaginary friend because I had the loneliest childhood you can imagine, but one can control imaginary friends. I can't control him. He's always there, but he has a mind of his own. He chooses when he wishes to speak and when he doesn't. He chooses how close he wants to be by me and he chooses when he wants to hold me. He never tries to hurt me though. He seems harmless. I feel no malice coming from him. I don't know if he just wants to be with me or if he wants to protect me, but his presence, in spite of being invisible, gives me comfort. It's doubtful he wants to protect me because he doesn't do anything to keep me from getting hurt. He just sits or stands around and watches before proceeding to comfort me after the aftermath.

When I was younger, he used to not speak so much. He would often sit next to me in my bed while I played video games. Sometimes he would lean in and whisper in my ear what to do and how to win... And it would work. He would stand by me when I got home from school while I eat my lunch. He would sit in the corner of my classroom in school and keep an eye on me. Sometimes he would sit next to me in bed and tuck me in and just watch me sleep for the rest of the night. That's another thing about him. He NEVER seems to sleep. He's always watching. Even if I can't see him with my own eyes, in my mind, he'll walk around the room, look around, keep looking back at me. If I'm in the bathroom, he's in the room with me but facing the door. If I'm in the shower, he's sitting on the counter top patiently waiting for me to get out. I can never see him. I just... sense what he's doing, where he's at in the room.

As a child, he just seemed to be more like an older brother. Not protecting me exactly, but always watching. Like a guardian older brother. The affection was a minimum and pretty simple. Nothing inappropriate. That's another thing. I can feel him.

As I grew up, the affection seemed more sweeter, more personal. He sometimes stands behind me in the shower and... I don't mind if he watches me shower. He's been there my whole life. He's probably seen this before many times. He lays down in my bed and allows me to sleep upon him, rest my head on his chest, sleep to the smell of his cologne, feeling the light and barely-there whisper of his lips against my hair. When I cry, he doesn't always comfort me. He just sits there and waits for me to lean against him myself. When I'm with a friend, he's still with me but at a distance. A couple feet away, but still watching. He's a bit behind us one moment and he's sitting on a tree branch in a nearby tree the next. He's never too far away. He's never not watching.

He carries no ex<x>pression, he rarely ever smiles and he rarely ever speaks. I'm usually surprised when he does and his voice... Is so nice. It's like a soft whisper in the night, a musical note in the wind. He has a nice smile, very genuine and sweet, very light. His eyes carry a certain gaze, intense, mysterious, brooding... I can't describe his appearance well though. I can't even tell you the color of his eyes. It's what I see in my head, which may or may not be the real thing and it's just glimpses so fast I can't even remember them. I remember the smile, the look in his eyes, his voice, his height... But not much else, oddly enough. I think he's as beautiful as I imagine him to be though. I just wish I could see him so I know for sure, but I guess it doesn't really matter. This guy means no harm and while I have no idea why he's with me or who he is or anything about him really, I do not ob<x>ject to him being around.

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I Feel Someone Is With Me
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