I Don't Have A Relationship With My Father
When I was 10 years old my father walked out on us. Didn't say a word to anybody, just walked out the door while nobody was home and we never saw him again. Apparently he had a girlfriend and left us to go live with her in another state. The relationship between him and my mom was pretty bad, so truthfully I was expecting a divorce was coming. But I didn't think he would leave and not want to know me again for the rest of my life.
He never paid my mom any child support. If he ever returns to this state his ass will be thrown in prison. He has never shown any interest to know how I grew up, to know who I am now, to know my dreams and ambitions.
This kind of thing can really mess with your head.
For a long time I thought there must be something wrong with me. I thought I must be a total mess if my own father doesn't want to know me. It took me a while to understand that it isn't me who is the total mess. It took several years of therapy and a lot of tears and anger.
But I did understand eventually, I did see the clear picture after all.
And I'm fine.
My friends sometimes ask me what I'd do if he suddenly called or showed up. I used to think I would tell him as strongly as possible what a piece of shit I think he is. And how much he hurt all of us. But now I think I would just look at him and walk away without a word.
Because he's not worth it. He's not worth getting upset over ever again.
He never paid my mom any child support. If he ever returns to this state his ass will be thrown in prison. He has never shown any interest to know how I grew up, to know who I am now, to know my dreams and ambitions.
This kind of thing can really mess with your head.
For a long time I thought there must be something wrong with me. I thought I must be a total mess if my own father doesn't want to know me. It took me a while to understand that it isn't me who is the total mess. It took several years of therapy and a lot of tears and anger.
But I did understand eventually, I did see the clear picture after all.
And I'm fine.
My friends sometimes ask me what I'd do if he suddenly called or showed up. I used to think I would tell him as strongly as possible what a piece of shit I think he is. And how much he hurt all of us. But now I think I would just look at him and walk away without a word.
Because he's not worth it. He's not worth getting upset over ever again.
22-25, F
