I Will Teach My Children Things My Parents Never Taught Me
I've wanted to be a mother for so long. Here I am finally pregnant, and I keep finding myself reflecting on my own childhood. While I certainly have not enjoyed this looong wait to finally see this dream coming true, I am glad that it didn't happen earlier. I'm 33, and just over the last year or so have finally got to the best place I've ever been in my life and I understand so much about my parents and my upbringing now. I really started reflecting on it a couple years ago, trying to understand why certain things about me are as they are and how they came to be. It wasn't really until this past year that I started being able to see it all incredibly clearly though.
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. My dad was a saint. Still is. My mom did the best she knew how. Her and I did not have the greatest relationship growing up. It wasn't til I was out on my own that we were able to have a better relationship because she couldn't control me. She's passed and there are times that I miss her greatly, but I have to admit that I don't believe she had anything left to teach me about this life. In the past 7 years without her, I've only needed her twice and only to ask her a question about recipes she had in her head. Now that I'm pregnant, I wish she was here to ask her about her own pregnancy. However, I know that she couldn't offer any relevant advice in raising this child, aside from helpful suggestions about rashes and whatnot. Luckily I have some wonderful mama friends and family...and let's not forget the internet. lol
One thing I want to teach this child more than anything is how to embrace yourself. My mother never let me be me. Her world was black and white. You were either obeying her word or defying her. You were either being what she wanted you to be or you were nothing. I was never allowed to explore my own interests or even question them. I was raised in a black and white world to be one thing and never expect anything outside of that. I grew up thinking I would never travel and everything was a very basic path down a limited life that she painted for me. There is so much I never believed was possible for myself, even though my dad taught me I could be anything I wanted to be if I worked hard for it. My mom emotionally and physically beat that out of me.
Fortunately, we grow up and in time we have our own experiences and create our own paths. I met a couple of people who really changed my entire outlook on life and my role in it. I am a person today far more incredible than I had ever dreamed I could be. I've traveled a lot. I've had amazing life experiences. I've taken crazy chances. I've been bold and adventurous and never let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do. I've learned in my own time that I can have my cake AND eat it too 99% of the time. The trick is you just have to figure out HOW you can have EVERYTHING you want. Now obviously, there are occasions you have to make a sacrifice here or there...but in most cases, where there is a will there is a way! That is a lesson I will definitely teach my child. People, the world, will try to limit you...but YOU set your OWN limits!
I cannot wait to let this child learn who he/she is in their own way! Choose their own favorite colors. Pick out their own clothes. Such basic things, I know, but I never got to do any of that. I want them to make their own choices about who they will be. Decide what they want to participate in at school...what instrument they want to play or don't want to play. They will never be told they can't or must do this or that because they're a boy or a girl. If they're curious about something, I want to offer them every opportunity to explore it! I want to teach them to be bold enough to speak up for their self and have the confidence to believe in their own mind. Be passionate! A person can't be passionate about another person's passions. They have to feel their own passions! Sure, you can have things in common, but you can't just be someone else. Their world will never be black and white. I want to teach them a whole world of color and to question and explore everything. I want them to really learn to THINK freely and to trust their own intuitions. It took me such a long time to really trust my own thoughts once I was able to start thinking freely. I needed so much validation it was ridiculous. I want them to be able to know how to trust their own self and not need all that silly reassurance from others.
Obviously, there are a million things I'd like to teach this little one, but for now these are the main points on my mind. I just want them to learn how to survive on their own and have their own free will...never be a prisoner inside their own body/mind. It blows my mind to think how differently this child's experience will be with their parents than mine! What a different type of mother I will be than mine. I used to worry so much that I would turn out to be just like her. I may be stubborn like her and have some of her ferocity, which I consider one of her finer qualities lol. There are a handful of things I agree with her on...like, having class and understanding that it's ok to know you ARE better than some people or not as good as others, though you can always work to be a better person! Otherwise, we are completely differently people though and I know that I never have to worry about it.
Anyway, there is so much more in my mind, but I'll leave it here and get to bed. Gotta get this baby some rest!
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. My dad was a saint. Still is. My mom did the best she knew how. Her and I did not have the greatest relationship growing up. It wasn't til I was out on my own that we were able to have a better relationship because she couldn't control me. She's passed and there are times that I miss her greatly, but I have to admit that I don't believe she had anything left to teach me about this life. In the past 7 years without her, I've only needed her twice and only to ask her a question about recipes she had in her head. Now that I'm pregnant, I wish she was here to ask her about her own pregnancy. However, I know that she couldn't offer any relevant advice in raising this child, aside from helpful suggestions about rashes and whatnot. Luckily I have some wonderful mama friends and family...and let's not forget the internet. lol
One thing I want to teach this child more than anything is how to embrace yourself. My mother never let me be me. Her world was black and white. You were either obeying her word or defying her. You were either being what she wanted you to be or you were nothing. I was never allowed to explore my own interests or even question them. I was raised in a black and white world to be one thing and never expect anything outside of that. I grew up thinking I would never travel and everything was a very basic path down a limited life that she painted for me. There is so much I never believed was possible for myself, even though my dad taught me I could be anything I wanted to be if I worked hard for it. My mom emotionally and physically beat that out of me.
Fortunately, we grow up and in time we have our own experiences and create our own paths. I met a couple of people who really changed my entire outlook on life and my role in it. I am a person today far more incredible than I had ever dreamed I could be. I've traveled a lot. I've had amazing life experiences. I've taken crazy chances. I've been bold and adventurous and never let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do. I've learned in my own time that I can have my cake AND eat it too 99% of the time. The trick is you just have to figure out HOW you can have EVERYTHING you want. Now obviously, there are occasions you have to make a sacrifice here or there...but in most cases, where there is a will there is a way! That is a lesson I will definitely teach my child. People, the world, will try to limit you...but YOU set your OWN limits!
I cannot wait to let this child learn who he/she is in their own way! Choose their own favorite colors. Pick out their own clothes. Such basic things, I know, but I never got to do any of that. I want them to make their own choices about who they will be. Decide what they want to participate in at school...what instrument they want to play or don't want to play. They will never be told they can't or must do this or that because they're a boy or a girl. If they're curious about something, I want to offer them every opportunity to explore it! I want to teach them to be bold enough to speak up for their self and have the confidence to believe in their own mind. Be passionate! A person can't be passionate about another person's passions. They have to feel their own passions! Sure, you can have things in common, but you can't just be someone else. Their world will never be black and white. I want to teach them a whole world of color and to question and explore everything. I want them to really learn to THINK freely and to trust their own intuitions. It took me such a long time to really trust my own thoughts once I was able to start thinking freely. I needed so much validation it was ridiculous. I want them to be able to know how to trust their own self and not need all that silly reassurance from others.
Obviously, there are a million things I'd like to teach this little one, but for now these are the main points on my mind. I just want them to learn how to survive on their own and have their own free will...never be a prisoner inside their own body/mind. It blows my mind to think how differently this child's experience will be with their parents than mine! What a different type of mother I will be than mine. I used to worry so much that I would turn out to be just like her. I may be stubborn like her and have some of her ferocity, which I consider one of her finer qualities lol. There are a handful of things I agree with her on...like, having class and understanding that it's ok to know you ARE better than some people or not as good as others, though you can always work to be a better person! Otherwise, we are completely differently people though and I know that I never have to worry about it.
Anyway, there is so much more in my mind, but I'll leave it here and get to bed. Gotta get this baby some rest!
