I Have Never Killed Anyone

It's official -- my roommate is an alcoholic. I got back to our dorm at like 10:30 PM when he appeared to be sleeping. I flopped in bed and he got up to get his thing of vodka (~2 liters). He drank it for at least like an hour, laughing on social media and I talking with people. The music was playing through his headphones so loud that I could clearly make out the melody. He left his wallet open on the floor with the cards face-up and the jug of vodka open.

He was smart about it though -- drank an assload of water (following which he used the bathroom like a trillion times) so he'll barely even get a hangover, I reckon.