I Am Secretly a Superhero

Shhh.. Its a secret that I'm faster than a locomotive, can leap tall buildings in a single bound and have to file my fingernails with a kryptonite laced emery board.

Sure, a part of me would like to come out in the open about stuff like that, but if I did, I'd have noooo social life whatsoever and ... lets face it, I'd scare the daylights out of people.

So, its a secret, ok? Please don't out me in real life.