I Think Age Is Just a Number

Not Really, But I'm Thinking A Lot About Age Lately

That expression has always bothered me a little. Probably because it is typically voiced by a much older guy that is about to hit on me.

EP is not my first excursion into the darker corners of the online world. I snuck into chat rooms as early as 11 years old and heard older guys tell me that age was just a number. Now admittedly I was usually pretending to be older myself (14 mostly....it sounded so mature and I felt I could pull it off), but they were often in their 20's or 30's or even older. But they said, "oh age is just a number!"

Fast forward a few years and I arrive on EP a little over a year ago. As everyone on here knows, people flirt a lot on EP and talk about sex and about relationships, etc. I'm no exception to that. But I started hearing the same phrase and there's even a group on here that says age is just a number.

Is age just a number?

Well, I think the answer depends on your number.
I hope we can all agree that when I was 11 pretending to be 14 and guys old enough to be my father or grandfather were talking all sexy to me, age was not just a number, it was a very real issue. Right? Okay.

Now I'm 18 and just graduated from high school; I begin university in just about a month; I am an "adult"! But the vast majority of people I know "socially" in the world are between 16 and 22. Everyone else is either a kid or an "old" person. I know, I know...many of you are shocked and maybe hurt by what I just said, but bear with me. Our perceptions of age are based on our circumstances, right? In high school, "everyone" is your age give or take a year or two. Teachers don't count because, well, they are teachers. So anyone younger is a kid, anyone older is...well...old.

I've talked about age here on EP before. I wrote one story ( <a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Pet-Peeves/2984112" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a> ) about a co-worker of mine commenting that I was "legal" when I turned 18 and how that insensed me. And another story ( <a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Crush-On-Someone-I-Shouldnt/3047661" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a> ) about a crush I developed on an "older" friend here on EP and the problems it caused in our relationship.

Because of these stories and other comments I've made along the way, age has come up in conversations with my EP friends. One good friend noticed that my age-ism seems to vary somewhat by gender. He pointed out that I seem to be much more comfortable befriending and chatting (and flirting) with girls in a much greater age range than I am with guys. He was right. Why is that? I don't have a good answer for you, but I know it to be the case.

If you've read my most recent story ( <a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Want-To-Travel-The-World/3340436" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a> ), then you know I just got back from a mini vacation in Quebec where, among other things, I ordered my first ever legal drink in a bar and got hit on three nights in a row in different bars. The first guy that came up to me and tried to talk me up looked over 30 and I was very much shocked and embarrassed by it. Of course, I was with a group of new friends and my twin brother, so I was "safe" and we all laughed it off. But inside, as it was happening, there was a moment of panic where my defensive instincts went into full gear simply because he was older. Why is that?

Just as I got back from Quebec, another good EP friend, a recent addition to my circle, said, "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you really do seem to have some major issues about age." Now if he was just another guy on EP hitting on me and leading with "Age is just a number," I would have written off his comment without a thought. But he's not. He's a really cool guy, a really intelligent guy, and a gentleman. So he made me think. By the way, that's why he's in my circle to begin with...he makes me think. 😉

So here I am thinking about age. I guess over the next few years, my "social" circle is no longer going to just include people my age plus or minus a couple years. It's going to include people across a wide range of years, perhaps decades. How do I feel about that? I'm not sure. I do know that EP is helping me with it.

My very first friend on EP is a woman in her 30's and I love her to pieces! I wouldn't be on here today if she hadn't said hello to me and helped me navigate the flood of early friend requests from EPeeps wanting naked pics and sex chats! I've since built a circle of friends that I love dearly from all around the world. Several of them have expressed that they consider me a sister and I am honored by this. Others among my circle are very flirtatious relationships. And some are simply very good friends. Many are a mix of all this and I like that very much. They range in age from 14 to 45 and I regularly message with EPeeps as old as the mid 60's.

So maybe I'm slowly getting over my issue with age? I'm not sure, but I'm working on it and just thought I'd let you all know. 🙂

About me: https://similarworlds.com/sarabee1995/info

ClaudNine

This is interesting. "Age is just a number" It is, but it is manipulated in discussion to support someone's actions as a way of legitimizing their behaviour.
You talked about being 11, acting 14 and having sexual discussions with 30 something men. Most people I would expect would recoil from this and say "NO!" I would, but obviously not the men in their 30s who basically wanted to use you, because you were never going to be true friends.
I'm still 20 yrs old and just broke up with a bf who was 29. Fewer people will probably recoil at that because I am over 18 and we are both legal consenting adults, except part of that same behaviour of those 30 something guys was there with him and ultimately it has everything to do with why we broke up.
I have a sister who is 4 yrs younger and got into a bit of trouble online with a guy who she thought was her age and after instant messaging and then Skype he turned out to be 50+ and got really dirty with her. My Dad got involved and called the police because it happened when she was 13 - 14.
Yesterday, another friend of yours left a comment on my comment on another story saying she was trying to add me but couldn't. I responded by saying my protocols on EP are set so I don't have contact with underage users. I said I do this so that I never accidentally compromise a minor or myself. I think I might of offended her and if I did I'm very sorry, but I think back to my sister.
I am theoretically a grown up, except I'm not. I don't have all the life experience I need to deal with some of these kind of things yet in my own relationships, and when I was my sister's age now, or when that happened, I certainly didn't have the right judgement. I can't speak for someone who is 12 and brilliant, or someone who is 17 and streetwise. I can only speak for me.
Age is just a number but my number is 18. I can be responsible for me, I have to be. I know adults should be responsible for themselves though some often don't accept that. Unfortunately I can not expect a minor, no matter how smart, to be responsible for my actions and any effects our contact could have on he or she. The law will usually say I'm an adult so I'm wrong. It seems really black and white, and I am certainly not here being overtly sexual with anyone, but it's a standard I have and I take responsibility for that.

ClaudNine

I told her I might change my protocols because I really do have almost zero adult content, but the problem for me is still judgement. How will I always know to say what's right to her or legal, or idk. And how do I assess her interpretations and how I affect any decision making. I am probably way over thinking this too. Then if I change this to get to know her than I should be offering fair play for everyone else under 18. I'll think about it.

Sarahbellas

Well said Claudia. :-)
I understand your concerns about minors too, and while I don't entirely agree or disagree. I think it's good that you are sticking to your standard and being true to yourself and what feels right.