I Wish Fathers Knew the Scars Left By Not Being Dads
When I was younger my mom and dad divorced. A few years later my dad meet a women and remarried. She had children of her own from a previous marriage. They became his new family. They knew everything that was going on with him for example when he got achievements at work. They knew. We were never told or invited to partake in any of these joyous occasions with him. Didn't find out about them until my father past away. He was never at any of are birthdays, graduations, or parties for his grandchildren.
Now the relationship or lack of one with him... I am seeing has an impact on my life as far as men are concerned. After looking deeper into my own feelings I have feelings of abandonment, that I wasn't important, never heard any words of encouragement or words/actions of love. I remember when he got sick he would tell me that if he went to the hospital he would have the nurse call me so I would know where he was. He had pancreatitis and would get flare ups. He never did what he said. When I didn't hear from him I would call all the hospitls to see if he was there. At the time I was 12yrs. I always called to talk to him first he would never call us first. It was the only way I was going to have any kind of relationship with him. If I initiated it first.
Today as a grown woman I can see how this impacted my love life. I do not trust men...that they mean what they say...I am always wondering if what they says is really true.I always initiate talking because I fear I wont hear from them. I love my father very much...never noticed as a kid all that was lacking...There was no father /daughter bond. no father/daughter time. No seeing and learning how a good man treats a women. All the things you are suppose to learn from him growing up.
I am slowly learning how to change this for myself. It is not easy when you have had these feeling your whole life and never knew why.
Now trying to meet someone again since my husband past is very frustrating...knowing why I feel the way I do. Somethings I feel like I am crazy or asking for more than I should.
I want better communication with the person I am meeting and trying to see if we belong together, I want to feel I am important to them along with there other commitments in life, and I want them to make time for me...how else are you going to find out if you really like each other.
My father was quite and did not like confrontation. So I will never know if it was him not wanting to be involved in my life or that he did not want to upset his new wife.
Now the relationship or lack of one with him... I am seeing has an impact on my life as far as men are concerned. After looking deeper into my own feelings I have feelings of abandonment, that I wasn't important, never heard any words of encouragement or words/actions of love. I remember when he got sick he would tell me that if he went to the hospital he would have the nurse call me so I would know where he was. He had pancreatitis and would get flare ups. He never did what he said. When I didn't hear from him I would call all the hospitls to see if he was there. At the time I was 12yrs. I always called to talk to him first he would never call us first. It was the only way I was going to have any kind of relationship with him. If I initiated it first.
Today as a grown woman I can see how this impacted my love life. I do not trust men...that they mean what they say...I am always wondering if what they says is really true.I always initiate talking because I fear I wont hear from them. I love my father very much...never noticed as a kid all that was lacking...There was no father /daughter bond. no father/daughter time. No seeing and learning how a good man treats a women. All the things you are suppose to learn from him growing up.
I am slowly learning how to change this for myself. It is not easy when you have had these feeling your whole life and never knew why.
Now trying to meet someone again since my husband past is very frustrating...knowing why I feel the way I do. Somethings I feel like I am crazy or asking for more than I should.
I want better communication with the person I am meeting and trying to see if we belong together, I want to feel I am important to them along with there other commitments in life, and I want them to make time for me...how else are you going to find out if you really like each other.
My father was quite and did not like confrontation. So I will never know if it was him not wanting to be involved in my life or that he did not want to upset his new wife.
