I Am Drained
A few buds have been "accusing" me, for the lack of a better word, about not understanding their hardships since I don't have my own. They meant it jokingly, but I haven't been able to shake it off.
I've stopped telling my friends about my personal issues as they haven't seemed to listen when I tried to in the recent past. I think the last time I made an attempt was when I tried to talk to them about meeting up with my step mom again when my uncle got out of jail back in... June? They were disinterested and unresponsive.. I don't really understand why, but that really brought me down. It was one of those things where you're telling a story and realize no one's listening, so you just trail off mid-sentence.
I almost went on to dump on them every bit of information I've been withholding about my depressive spiral the last few months. Starting with my realization that literally everything I try to take care of either runs away or dies, to now, where I've been cleaning out my room so no one will have to go through [i]all[/i] my garbage when I eventually head out.
But I decided against it. Seems like a lot to unload at once. And I'd rather be the happy wholesome friend anyway.
Smol friend also said I was abandoning them?? I was at a total loss for words when this came up. I text her and send her wholesome memes regularly, nothing has changed between our communication.
I realized she probably thinks I'm abandoning her because a mutual friend who's ghosted us for a literal month came back in our lives recently. I've gone out with this friend twice. I've gone out with my co-workers a handful of times as well. And though communication with smol friend hasn't faltered, she knows I'm going out without her. So I took my location off Snapchats map and hopefully that resolves everything.
I tried explaining to her that I've just been trying to make more friends, and sometimes we just get busy with her own things. I said, "When you start dating someone new I tend not to hear from you for a week or two. I'm not upset or anything, I know that just how it be some times."
She said, "This isn't the same thing. You know I put you first. Please don't compare me to this."
Not to sound too repetitive but... no words. This is the same friend who makes out with her boyfriend when I'm trying to have a conversation with her. I've literally gone to a play with her and her boy, and ended up sitting with strangers in a different isle. I don't mean to sound bitter but.. I know I don't come first. That's perfectly fine, I've never expected to, nor do I really want to be a priority. But.. why would you not think this is the same thing?
I'm starting to drone on. I just needed to make a highly caffeinated vent post. Don't mind me 馃槍
I've stopped telling my friends about my personal issues as they haven't seemed to listen when I tried to in the recent past. I think the last time I made an attempt was when I tried to talk to them about meeting up with my step mom again when my uncle got out of jail back in... June? They were disinterested and unresponsive.. I don't really understand why, but that really brought me down. It was one of those things where you're telling a story and realize no one's listening, so you just trail off mid-sentence.
I almost went on to dump on them every bit of information I've been withholding about my depressive spiral the last few months. Starting with my realization that literally everything I try to take care of either runs away or dies, to now, where I've been cleaning out my room so no one will have to go through [i]all[/i] my garbage when I eventually head out.
But I decided against it. Seems like a lot to unload at once. And I'd rather be the happy wholesome friend anyway.
Smol friend also said I was abandoning them?? I was at a total loss for words when this came up. I text her and send her wholesome memes regularly, nothing has changed between our communication.
I realized she probably thinks I'm abandoning her because a mutual friend who's ghosted us for a literal month came back in our lives recently. I've gone out with this friend twice. I've gone out with my co-workers a handful of times as well. And though communication with smol friend hasn't faltered, she knows I'm going out without her. So I took my location off Snapchats map and hopefully that resolves everything.
I tried explaining to her that I've just been trying to make more friends, and sometimes we just get busy with her own things. I said, "When you start dating someone new I tend not to hear from you for a week or two. I'm not upset or anything, I know that just how it be some times."
She said, "This isn't the same thing. You know I put you first. Please don't compare me to this."
Not to sound too repetitive but... no words. This is the same friend who makes out with her boyfriend when I'm trying to have a conversation with her. I've literally gone to a play with her and her boy, and ended up sitting with strangers in a different isle. I don't mean to sound bitter but.. I know I don't come first. That's perfectly fine, I've never expected to, nor do I really want to be a priority. But.. why would you not think this is the same thing?
I'm starting to drone on. I just needed to make a highly caffeinated vent post. Don't mind me 馃槍
26-30, F
