I Need Help

I'm trying really hard to be happy but its not happening.
I don't want to be around anymore, but I don't want to die.
I have scars up and down my arms, legs, ankles. Even  some on my neck.
There's this urge that occurs mostly everyday and it kills me, the scary part is that it kills me not to cut. It's like an addiction, I want to feel something and lately that's the only way how.
I have shit to live for, I know I got people who care about me and I know I'm not alone in this world, I'm not stupid.
What I also know is that all of this doesn't stop me from wanting the pain that comes alone with that razor.
I've got nothing to lose, so please if you can help me...then I'm all yours...