I Struggle With Mental Illness
For the third time in my life, during the last five years, I am experiencing bouts of delirium. Doctors, and recently, a psychiatrist, have told me that my bouts of delirium (a delusional mental illness caused by infection) are caused by chronic UTIs. If you do not know what a UTI is, be glad! They are very painful infections of the bladder. I have had UTIs for about 50 years so I have become a minor expert on the subject. (I will seriously consider removing any post that says, "Just drink cranberry juice!" Chronic UTIs are not cured that way, though the juice does have some protective benefits.)
The worst part of this painful condition is the mental illness it has caused, putting me into 2 mental hospitals during the last 5 years. Recently, it sent me to the ER with a series of panic attacks that went on day and night for 8 days/nights, no eating or sleeping in a state of terror.
Two good things about all of this:
I am losing a LOT of weight from being too anxious to eat. Every cloud...
I am a great deal less afraid of having published my Featured story about my bizarre life and my powerful and deadly mother (AKA the Wicked Witch of West Hollywood). I've been afraid it might stir up trouble among my mother's people, her cult-like group of CP friends and acquaintances.
It just occurred to me that I am alone, living on a small income in a rented room, suffering physically and mentally, and about to turn 74 years old on Friday. My birthday present to myself is...I'm going to see a cognitive psychotherapist. A few days ago, I saw the psychiatrist and got meds.
So...I have nothing to lose anymore. When you lose your money, your health, and your sanity, why worry about what could happen? There is truly nothing they can do to me anymore! All my dreams have crumbled.
So I am thinking of publishing my Featured story somewhere using a pseudonym for social protective covering. My mother's people can and will know who I am because they'll do a copyright search or use a private investigator. But, what can they do? Not much, as I see it. They might start harassing me as they have in the past. But my life has fallen apart so I don't think it really matters much. And, in the rather unlikely event that they kill me...well, I'm a woman about to celebrate the advent of my 74th year, so I just don't care.
The worst part of this painful condition is the mental illness it has caused, putting me into 2 mental hospitals during the last 5 years. Recently, it sent me to the ER with a series of panic attacks that went on day and night for 8 days/nights, no eating or sleeping in a state of terror.
Two good things about all of this:
I am losing a LOT of weight from being too anxious to eat. Every cloud...
I am a great deal less afraid of having published my Featured story about my bizarre life and my powerful and deadly mother (AKA the Wicked Witch of West Hollywood). I've been afraid it might stir up trouble among my mother's people, her cult-like group of CP friends and acquaintances.
It just occurred to me that I am alone, living on a small income in a rented room, suffering physically and mentally, and about to turn 74 years old on Friday. My birthday present to myself is...I'm going to see a cognitive psychotherapist. A few days ago, I saw the psychiatrist and got meds.
So...I have nothing to lose anymore. When you lose your money, your health, and your sanity, why worry about what could happen? There is truly nothing they can do to me anymore! All my dreams have crumbled.
So I am thinking of publishing my Featured story somewhere using a pseudonym for social protective covering. My mother's people can and will know who I am because they'll do a copyright search or use a private investigator. But, what can they do? Not much, as I see it. They might start harassing me as they have in the past. But my life has fallen apart so I don't think it really matters much. And, in the rather unlikely event that they kill me...well, I'm a woman about to celebrate the advent of my 74th year, so I just don't care.
70-79, F
