Day 1: Start a journal This is gonna be tough cause I have started many, many journals over the years and my consistency is spotty at best. haha There are prompts throughout this challenge that I will use to write about so let's get started.
What is the one thing I love about myself? --- Not counting anything physically (like my eyes and my hair) cause that's a little easy, I would have to say that I think I am freaking hilarious! I am a little "shy" but once I warm up... I am great company.
What does unconditional love look like to me? --- Never having to be judged or having to prove my worth. That they stick around even when I'm difficult sometimes or we disagree and that my friendship and relationship isn't based on what I can do for you. That I can be vulnerable and not have that thrown back in my face. That they stick around and practice forgiveness even when things aren't fun... I've never had that before.
What is the one thing I do not like about myself and why? --- That I have great intentions but zero follow-thru. My procrastination and consistency is destroying my life.
What makes me happy? --- When things run smoothly. I feel like my life is in constant chaos and I'm always putting out fires so when there is a streak of calm and I can breathe and enjoy the calm, that's happiness and if I had the freedom money brings, I feel like I could have more of that.
What are 2 moments in your life when you felt the happiest about yourself? --- 1. When I lost weight in my mid-30's and when I was in love with ME (his initials).
Write about why you feel as though you do not love yourself the way you deserve? Make a list if necessary. - I make poor choices that make my life more difficult than it has to be - I know what I should be doing but I feel powerless to do any of it. - I tell myself everyday how much I hate what I llook like and how much I hate my life and I struggle to come up with anything I love about myself or my life. - I am forcing myself to date even though I don't feel good about myself and what I look like. i haven't dated in over 3 years. been living like a hermit. Didn't realize it had been that long (solitude is so enticing, deceptive and dangerous) so I was feeling good and thought maybe I need to get back out there...
I just had a huge epiphany last night as to why I have been choosing the men I've been choosing lately... I don't feel worthy to date anyone remotely successful. I feel like a complete failure and so I would rather have someone lower than me that both makes me feel better about my sh*tty life and someone I can "fix" than be that for someone more successful or risk being judged or rejected because my life is such a mess. When I stopped to think about it... I was like how pathetic and low do I actually think about myself. I need to change this NOW!
This all came about because the 2 men I've been entertaining (dating, not f*cking), both are 40+ and one lives is a Days Inn and the other has a walmart folding card table and blow up bed and I'm thinking... How the f*ck are these my dating options and believe it or not, these are the better of the lot that have been coming my way. Talk about the Law Of Attraction. I gotta change my vibration ASAP! haha But the one guy who had a great job, owned a home, done extensive traveling abroad and was sexy as all get out but I didn't respond to him cause I was a bit ashamed and felt I wasn't currently on his level. Talk about a wake up call. 😓
Yeah, I need this self-love challenge!!!!!
What do you not like about yourself and things you wish you could change... - my weight and level of physical fitness - my tv addiction and facebook addiction habit - my diet - my procrastination and lack of consistency habit - my finances - forgiving myself for being a poor mother (something I believe about myself) - better work ethic - My depression - My low self-esteem and low confidence - My shyness - My poor memory - My limiting beliefs
Okay, Day 1 doesn't seem much on loving myself but..... we'll see.