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I Am Running Away

It started last week and I was thrown out of my house by my mother who has tried to make me not leave before. Previously I've packed my things and left because she has inflicted damage and harm on me in the past and kicked my siblings out so I know she's not that concerned. She hasn't tried to contact me but now I'm staying with a friend. This co-worker of mine first off I didn't exactly click with, she can be controlling and kind of intrusive. Maybe I'm not used to it because she isn't a parent but middle-aged so she has never been separated from a son or daughter but her age apparently makes her opinion better than mine, even though she hasn't gone through what I'm going through. I appreciate her help but she doesn't let me go back to get any of my things. She wanted me to go buy clothes and things I didn't want and I could've gotten more things at a time when I know my mom will be out of the house. This friend is also someone who has cut off her family, and even though I haven't shared the whole story with her, she is insistent on getting me away but I don't have a chance to take much with me. Instead she waits on her boyfriend who doesn't work and they play video games. I've been planning a move to Minneapolis since winter and I was going to go this spring and stay with a cousin of mine, and start with a new job. I really only spent time with her recently and she's close with my mom but I think she'll be tight-lipped. I've been accepted to college in the fall, and I'm really only staying with my co-worker to cut costs. We don't have a good rapport with each other and I don't think she understands what I'm going through. I can't talk to her because she sees it superficially. I didn't ask to stay with her, but she insisted because I guess she thinks it's good karma. I'm trying to prepare and I don't want to be isolated at her house but I know a motel is expensive. I haven't reached anyone else because they have kids and I don't think the situation would be any more convenient. What do you think I should do? I don't want to go back and live with my mom. I'm the one with a full-time job, she hasn't worked in five years. I have a lot of money saved up, I'm just unsure about a few things. I need some space and independence and I can't get people to respect that. I have important tax info and forms at my house that I need to retrieve but I don't want to get ambushed.

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MantledInClouds · 26-30, F

I would tell her, but my co-worker has one car, but I never learned how to drive a stick. Regular car-fine. My other friend I'm kind of close to but she wasn't helpful in the past when this has happened. Just 'oh it'll be okay' and she didn't want to be involved. I don't really want to stay with my co-worker and I think she's just controlling like that. I try to pay her and even for food and she's like 'no I won't accept money' but then she tries to choose what she thinks I should eat and tried to make me buy clothes at the thrift store that were old and ratty. I bought myself nice clothes just a few weeks ago before I left, but she hasn't taken me back to the house to get anything like she promised to. I don't know. My co-worker doesn't want me to contact my mom and she's weirdly okay with my mom not contacting me. Again, I feel isolated.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@MantledInClouds Can you rent a car for one day, then go get your clothes and papers? What about Uber? Or could you get someone else to go get your things?

MantledInClouds · 26-30, F

@greenmountaingal I'll try to do that, I might have to wait because I can never get a cab after work and the place I'm at is so far out of the way. My cousin is close to my mother, the one who is in Minneapolis
My co-worker, the middle-aged one has never met my mother. It bothered me a little because she claimed she could get a friend who's a big security guy to come with me when I get my things in case my mom 'gets out of line'. I don't want her to get hurt but I want my mother to see that she has hurt me in the past and at present. That's how I can break a bad cycle by leaving. I don't know how getting some guy to physically accost my mom would make anything better. And I hate the city I live in, I want to just go to Minneapolis and make a new start.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@MantledInClouds About a year ago I was in a jam. I was recovering from a serious illness, had no car, and had temporarily lost my drivers license due to illness, needed to get someplace that required a car and it was important. Finally, I called the Mormon Church (I am not a Mormon nor do I have any Mormon friends or any particular interest in the Mormon faith). Someone told me they will help people. They sent me a nice young man who drove me a total of 100 miles and I gave him gas money plus some money for him, but it was reasonable. Maybe you can find some church or other organization that can help you get your things. Also, whether you need some kind of security depends on how likely you think it is that your mother will become violent and, if you do think you need it, I'd recommend hiring a private bonded security guard for one hour and asking that he be dressed in plain clothes; say he is a friend.

Of course the simplest way would be to get someone to alert you when your mother is not home, then get a cab, go there, grab your stuff fast (because you can be sure some jerk will phone her and let her know you're there) and split.

updown2020 · 61-69, M

Well do you have have taxi or Uber service. Well you see what they like to eat so buy those kinds of food and just bring it home. And help around the house.Whatever you do keep the fact you have money saved to yourself. And if I can suggest have the money saved in a different account you have a everyday account to pay bills and do all your banking stuff the other account is just for savings thats it not tire to a atm card.

MantledInClouds · 26-30, F

@updown2020 Yeah my town is small and there is only one taxi that is ever operating. I do want to help but they don't like hat their things moved. I don't want to be a burden and I just keep to myself for the most part. I need to break with my bank except I get direct deposit and my work doesn't know I'm planning to leave. I'm more worried about my bank statements, which I've tried to shut off, from being sent to my former house so my mother doesn't read them and find out where my card has been charged. She's the one I'm worried about. My co-worker is trying to help me save money but I don't like how she lives far on the edge of town, near practically nothing and I need to get things done. I finish work at 4:45 and carpool with her, but everything closes at 5. I hate it. I don't even have my laptop and my co-worker knows that. She wants me to use her computer. But I want my laptop because I have things saved to it and she says she's too tired after work to take me back to my house. Like why the fuck can't I get my belongings? I'm on the bus and it's a weird route bc her house is far from mine. There's no time to catch it and come back. My mom is gone evenings at least but that's when my co-worker decides to stay at her house. But thanks for responding, I appreciate it.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

I rent a room in a private home. It is not expensive and yet I am on my own, just in a room, not an apartment.

You say this woman is close to your mother, and that she tends to be controlling, obtrusive and ageist. And she insisted you live with her. Sounds like she is pinch hitting for your mother, maybe at your mother's request.

You could also put a down payment on a van and fix it up with a bed, toilet, fridge and microwave and move in at least for the summer.

updown2020 · 61-69, M

Well why does your co worker not want you to get your thing from your house sorry that does odd why would she care? Well do you drive and have a car or do you have a friend that has a car. You may want to tell you mom you are going to get your thing just so she aware and just say it better you get your things when she not home so things go off easy and no one starts arguing ,

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